Owning your own washer and dryer unit doesn’t make life worth living, but it takes you closer. Nobody has their own washer/dryer units in New York City, though, unless they’re rich. It’s just one of the many forms of oppression that New Yorkers face every day. Why haven’t you moved yet?

A blog post called “Why Do People Live in New York City Again?” cites a troublesome statistic: only about 20 percent of Manhattan apartments feature washer/dryer units. This means that everyone else has to either go to laundromats, which are inconvenient and full of strangers; throw away all their clothes after wearing them just one or two times; or wash their clothes on rocks, down by the riverside. Finding a quality clothes-washing rock can be difficult at times, even in New York City. And who likes to smell bad?

If you moved to the suburbs, you could live in a nice big house with your own washer and dryer and wash and dry your clothes as much as you wanted. Even if they weren’t dirty, you could wash them. Just think of how empowered this would make you feel.

Also, if you lived in the suburbs you could probably have your own driveway, and you could park a minivan in it. Minivans are the hottest accessory for spring, unless you live in the city. Then the hottest accessory is stains on your clothes. Stains and odors, and deprivation.