Last year, I interviewed Marina Abramović’s chair and now that Damien Hirst’s “pickled, rotting shark sold as art” is Tweeting, I’m obligated to investigate. Here’s what @Hirst_Shark has to say.

The Twitter alter-ego of The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living is no Marina Abramović’s chair, so we’ll make it brief.

Are you a fan of Morrissey? He is a fan of you.

@Hirst_Shark: “To die by your side / Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine” My heart just skipped a beat!!! (You’re kidding, aren’t you?)

What do you think about Damien Hirst?

@Hirst_Shark: Damien Hirst is a theoretical goody jar. I think he’s unenjoyable otherwise.

Are you planning an escape?

@Hirst_Shark: I dream of escaping. I dream of eating D. Hirst alive. But my real revenge is, now that I’m famous, letting people know art can be cruel and demeaning.

What would Damien Hirst taste like?

@Hirst_Shark: Damien Hirst would taste like old and moldy meatloaf, or something of the sort.

We would have guessed… pure money. His art elves would probably taste like glue and formaldehyde jerky.