MOZzzOh, woe, Smiths fans. You’ve heard that Morrissey sold his ultimate anthem to perpetually unrequited love Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want to a department store, right? Watch this improbably sweet lil spawn as your song is murdered.

Wretched cover too. Now, why would Moz ever do such a thing? What slice of the commercial’s $12 million budget was he divvied to be “very happy” in stabbing his ardent army in the hearts? What makes one Steven Patrick “Meat Is Murder” Morrissey — he who frisks concert attendees for sausage and leaves the stage at the smell of burning flesh — sell one of the songs that changed your life to John Lewis department store… what with their fine line of leather products, meat and meat accessories?

Perhaps, spite? As the theory goes, Moz and Johnny Marr are, as songwriters, the only ones from the band to financially benefit from the cover in the commercial. Maybe since Mike Joyce is allegedly plundering Moz’s royalties, he figured it’s time to put a thorn in Mr. Joyce’s side? Ah, sweet revenge… with a hint of hickory.