Jesus may have been able to turn water into wine, but only New Yorkers could turn their fresh water into Tylenol and nicotine laced Kool Aid. A 2009 study showed that New York City’s water supply was filled with small amounts of compounds like ibuprofen, caffine, and DEET. But the City now says that its water supply is perfectly safe to drink.

The amounts of the 14 chemicals are so minute that a person would have to drink “at least tens of thousands of glasses of water a day to get one effective dose of the substance.”

If you’re trying to drink some tainted water, your best bet is to go with the mostly harmless cotinine — an alkaloid found in nicotine. You’d only have to drink 19,674 glasses to get a toxic supply in your system.

And although it’s not in our water yet, oxycodone will probably make an appearance pretty soon. A new report says that prescriptions for the drug have doubled in number since 2007. The report also says that the drug leads some into harder and cheaper drugs like heroin. Here’s to drinking dope and Tylenol cocktails sometime in the next fifty years — bottoms up!