You might consider sending our former vice-president some sort of “thinking about you in this time of difficulty” greeting card because of all the hardship he’s facing, and all the painful memories he’s probably reliving, right now, in his underground bunker, with nothing but a tub of lard and a bacon smoothie to comfort him. Poor guy!

First, Cheney and his pal Don “the Mon” Rumsfeld were booed at this week’s hot ticket event, the Conservative Political Action Conference. Their fair-weather conservative friends said so many mean, self-esteem endangering things, like “murdering scum” and “draft dodger.” Most of the name-calling seems to have been the work of Ron Paul supporters, so it can be written off–but still. It must sting.

If being bullied weren’t bad enough, the liberal media’s busily reminding everyone that today marks the fifth anniversary of that time when Cheney shot that guy in the face while quail hunting.

And lastly, later this month Cheney will “celebrate” the one-year anniversary of his most recent heart attack (that we know of). Come to think of it, you might send a nice flower arrangement or low-fat cookie bouquet to go with the card.