While US is mourning the death of NASA’s shuttle program, Russia is building a swanky space hotel, set to open its cabin doors within five years… and it’s nicer and cheaper than the $60 million a-pop missions American astronauts will be hitching with the Russians from now on.

A brief five day trip will run the Nouveau Russkies around $160,000 plus the $825,000 for the trip. Once in space, they can gander at poor people of the Earth through large portholes, take showers in sealed compartments — instead of the sponge baths astronauts take at the International Space Station — and feast upon “braised veal cheeks with wild mushrooms, white bean puree, potato soup and plum compote” delivered via rockets, instead of munching on frieze-dried nutrient cubes.

If something goes wrong, the Russian astronauts will fetch someone from the International Space Station to go help. Wonder who’ll get stuck with space tourist duty…