If animals aren’t falling from the sky or dying en masse, they’re seeking revenge against humans. Told you not to eat them!

In rat attack news, a Vietnam vet named Peter Solomon has filed a federal civil rights suit against the jail in Nassau County after claiming that a rat or some other type of rodent bit him on his special-est place. Apparently, the rat emerged from a hole in Solomon’s mattress and CHOMP. Jail’s not meant to be some kind of party, but if you’re the manager and there’s rats crawling around your jail, you should do something about it. Sometimes the people are in jail are innocent; they don’t deserve to be attacked by rats.

Moving on: rat + homeless man’s face = GAH. Poor homeless guy. He should file an emotional distress claim against MTA. Then again, so should every MTA rider.

No more rats! Let’s talk about foxes now: In Belarus, a fox shot a hunter that had shot him first (we’re assuming it was a boy fox, just because). “The animal fiercely resisted and in the struggle accidentally pulled the trigger with its paw,” Reuters quotes one prosecutor as saying. That fox was as sly as a fox! But wait–what do prosecutors have to do with this incident? Does Belarus prosecute animals? That would be a tough-on-crime policy not even tried here.

In Missouri, a ferret ate off a baby’s fingers. That’s really sad. The ferret is dead now.

In California, a raccoon attacked a man at a zoo and now the man is suing. This part of the story is amusing: “Smith [the victim], a trained kickboxer, reportedly fought off the raccoon for several minutes before it was captured and euthanized. He says the animal bit his foot and leg and tore through the skin on his finger.” Did the raccoon also kick-box? This would be good to know.

In Calgary, a lady moose attacked a skier. People who understand moose behavior better than we do say the cow moose was probably just trying to defend her calf. This incident reminds us of something Sarah Palin might talk about on Facebook.

In Swaziland, a crocodile attacked a teenager. Crocodiles are irritable assholes, and this one was no different.

Sometimes animals attack beings other than humans. In India, a leopard attacked a calf. The calf sustained an injury, and the leopard ran off into the wild.

How do you feel about the animals who attacked? They all seem to have acted way out of line except for the fox, who was just defending itself. The cow moose thought that skier person was going to attack her young, but it sounds like the skier had no intention of ever doing such a thing; the moose just jumped to conclusions. Animals are irrational and have boundary issues.