Ladies and gentlemen! The casts of the dueling Linda Lovelace biopics have been announced. In the left corner, from the directors of Howl, we’ve got Lovelace, the “Deep Throat” porn star/anti-porn activist biopic #1, with James Franco as Hugh Hefner for some reason…

…also starring Amanda Seyfried as Lovelace (that’ll do), Peter Sarsgaard as the sadistic husband who forced her into porn at gunpoint, Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem, and some sort of a role for Sharon Stone. Sounds serious.

In the right corner, we have biopic #2 — Inferno, with… eh… someone as Lovelace, Matt Dillon as the husband, that dude from Lost as Lovelace’s lover Sammy Davis Jr. apparently and dramaturgical contributions from Paz De La Huerta and Sasha Grey. It’s “child abuse, three orgasms, two beatings, intense humiliation and a bloody car crash” within the first 32 pages of the script. Sounds exploitation filmy.

Which one will suck? It isn’t clear, but while you ponder, here are some fake posters Tyler Shields made of Lindsay Lohan in Inferno as the lead role that never, ever was. Sadness.