There’s a controversial policy in certain parts of Britain — if you find an ancient artifact, you can call dibs! Professional archaeologists are quite concerned, citing disturbance of the cites and damages to the retrieved artifacts. That doesn’t stop the amateurs, however, as per this festive loot of ancient Roman artifacts of various shape, price and function.

Using metal detectors, these objects dating back 1,600-2,000 years were dug up and recently published in the journal Britannia. Aside from statues of alleged Emperor lover, gold and silver brooches and trinkets of various sorts, there are these carved bone phalluses, with finely detailed wings.

Now, see, there are probably other concerns for amateurs finding these first that are impolite to mention among academics.

We are not academics. Baum chicka bone bone.

Here’s a copper alloy knife handle from the depths of North Yorkshire. It’s an erotic household object! Which isn’t uncommon for Roman household. It’s also worn down into globby indecipherable shapes of generic brand animal crackers.

Thankfully Britannia explains: “The man lies on a couch and is straddled by a woman who faces his feet, which she holds, while the man’s left hand rests on her left buttock.”