Well, that’s the last time I get all invested in a damn shoe. Designer Christian Louboutin was to revamp Cinderella’s glass slipper, to turn a symbol of token fragility, creepy age-regressive daintiness and economic subjugation into… something, we hoped. A fetish object? Something fun and liberating? A better story? Nay.

What story do these flimsy-looking Bunny Lebowski-esque translucent plastic bits spotted with silver corns tell? Sigh. Well, let’s just pretend that the straps mean Cinderella isn’t losing these. Her fate will not be ruled by some wardrobe malfunction. She’s… Zzz.