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It Is Impossible For “No Panty Day” To Be A Hoax

No Panty Day – an equal-opportunity adventure for both genders! Or rather, one gender that is mega excited on Twitter (exhibit A):

And one that is, shall we say, mega not (exhibit B):

But wait! It’s all a hoax, says Dominica News. We’ve been duped by predatory pervs gulling excitable youths to bandwagon their underpants away!

Okay, Internet. Let’s get one thing straight: massive involvement is not required to legitimize un-holidays. There is no threshold. Viral things can’t become illegitimate: like any religion, they’re fed vociferously on earnest participation, and the instant they spring out of the womb and take their first steps by way of a successful tweet, it’s as real as the hashtagging retweeters believe it is. Think it’s real? Unsure? Gently-to-aggressively voicing your disbelief online? Congratulations! You’ve participated in the grand conversation, adding another leg to the human dialogue centipede that’s been trending since last night. On the meta/hipster level, we can all take a step back at the end of the day and discuss how “the pervy joke holiday” became “the participate-if-you-want holiday.”

Or should I say the “we found another excuse to slutshame” holiday?

And it’s not just dudes! The slutshame-as-defense-mechanism has unisex appeal! Dudes and ladydudes tearing down other girls so you’ll look better in comparison — your lazy misogyny is the worst. It’s fallacious to equate going underwearless with liberal sexuality. Ask the kilted Scots.

In conclusion – the Not Safe For Life “No Panty Day” un-holiday exists whether you want it or not. If ladies (or sartorially adventurous dudes who normally wear such) go pantyless, it’s lazy to assume they’re overeager to knock boots. Finally, somebody made the “No panty day? It’s gonna smell like fish!” joke at 9 a.m. this morning and it hasn’t been funny since. Stop it.

(Photo: geilerbock57/Flickr)