Breaking news in celebrity anatomy: Before renowned artist Lucian Freud died, he tattooed two swallows on the boney lower back of very famous model Kate Moss. See, he painted her naked and pregnant in 2002, they buddied up, and then he got nostalgic about his teenage days of tattooing sailors with ink and a scalpel. So he inked these quite ugly avian squiggles, beaks pointed towards each other above her very famous crack. She’s still very pleased.

I mean, it’s an original Freud. I wonder how much a collector would pay for that? A few million?

If it all goes horribly wrong I could get a skin graft and sell it!

It’s probably the only one on skin that’s still around, because when he was in the navy he was about 19. Can you imagine?

You’re supposed to imagine that all those other Lucian Freud original tattoo carriers are dead. Or really, really wrinkled.

But really, boo. As far as tattoo-work of renowned artists go, this is the single tackiest combination of cute creature and intimate orifice proximity. Oh wait. No, it’s not.