This photo just in from editor-in-chief Buckingham Turco as he tilted up 42nd Street near 11th Avenue: Today’s bluster wasn’t simply a byproduct of insane spring weather caused by global warming, but a trash-and-dust maelstrom sent by God himself to rip the filthy pear trees that smell like jizz from our city streets.

I’m praying with every axe swing that the two pear trees in front of the ANIMAL offices will be removed before the day is through.