Rikers Island inmates with clever shank hiding spaces are going to have to rethink their methods, thanks to a plan implemented by the jail’s officials. The detention complex has acquired six SecurPASS machines, low-dose x-ray machines that can see inside your body, and thus that contraband shiv you have hiding up your butt. “We’ve had a few incidents where scalpel blades have been used in either slashings or stabbings,” warden Cripps told reporters “[These machines are] primarily used to detect that type of weapon.”

If the SecurPASS method sounds familiar to you, it’s because you’ve probably been visually probed by one such machine in the past few years. These are the same machines the TSA has begun using to ensure airplane passengers don’t have more than 3.4 ounces of toothpaste on them. So New York City’s largest and most significant jail complex has to look to the TSA to figure out how to treat prisoners. I mean, the jokes write themselves.