OH MY LENIN! A Rusky Sierra-2 class nuclear-powered attack submarine came as close as 200 miles of the East Coast so that the Russia — a.k.a. “the biggest geopolitical foe or enemy for the U.S” — in order to show the U.S. its underwater big boy bulge.
Invasion is imminent! They’re coming for your guns, freedom and unborn fetuses!
According to the Cleveland Reader, submarine poses no threat and was “safe enough that it was given safe harbor in Jacksonville during Hurricane Sandy.” And “I can tell you that things worked the way they were supposed to,” an anonymous official reassures, officially. The submarine is now hundreds of miles away on its way home.
I hope we didn’t frighten you with our Soviet Invasion GIF. Here’s the “AP” image Fox used. The Russian submarine is emanating some sort of dangerous, Chernobyly radioactive purple and pink clouds. So it’s possibly gay. RUN!
(Top GIF: Marina Galperina/ANIMALNewYork, bottom photo: Probably not AP)