A Romanian game developer who has never been to New York released a hot new web game for 8 to 15-year-olds. Thanks to “Upper East Side Make-Over,” superficial acceptance-yearning girls everywhere can practice strutting outfits, applying exfoliating treatments and performing other ceremonies of banality for that “stylish and high maintenance upper east side look.” Oh, goodie!

It’s here where they will learn just what they need to do “in order to finally be accepted into the inner circle of the New York socialites” and “to get invited to thousands of parties!” —  in 2D bathrooms and on 2D stoops. The 2D sexual peer pressure frat party room in [Private University Name Redacted] is notably absent.

When asked why the avatar’s white skin color cannot be customized, the developer said he “wanted to focus on the game.” Ahem.