Well, this is disturbing. And strangely fascinating. And kind of hot. And right in time for Valentine’s Day! Presenting: the land snail — nature’s kinkiest animal — ON FILM.

SPOILER ALERT: What you are about to watch contains gratuitous imagery of mucus-covered hermaphroditic genitalia, freaky sacks, masochistic flesh-impaling “love darts” and double penetration (sort of).

Pay attention, ANIMAL’s Unofficial Vine NC-17 #VeryShortFilmFest contestants: There are some valuable lessons in erotica to be learned from our slimy friends here.