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Vincent Van Gogh: Secret Purple-ist

What’s this? More breaking Van Gogh news? You don’t say.

Serious researcher bros have been picking at Vincent’s pigments with an electron microscope and an X-ray fluorescence spectrometer, deducing that the famous dead artist was using chemically unstable red paint. Then, sophisticated academic fan boys wanked off on these super hot famous dead artist news for awhile. Now, they’re dropping their speculations, NYT reports — just in time for the recently renovated Van Gogh Museum’s new Van Gogh retrospective. What totally coincidental timing!

They’re saying that The Bedroom (1888) — the painting I like everybody likes — is wrong.

It’s not blue.

Supposedly, Van Gogh painted the walls a violet mix of red and blue, but then, supposedly, the bad red paint faded prematurely. So the walls look blue BUT THEY’RE NOT BLUE. “It confirms that he was sticking to the traditional color theory, using purple and yellow, and not blue and yellow,” said some collector lady.

YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL, VINCENT.

“…Van Gogh was a very methodical artist, which runs counter to the general myth that he was a manic, possibly slightly deranged man who just spontaneously threw paint at the canvas,” an important museum person added.

Because obviously, mental illness and artistic intent are mutually exclusive. Now tell me more new facts about that mentally healthycolorblindmutant sunflower breeding murder victim.

Best-selling artists don’t rest in peace.