Being shot into outer space seems to be the new fad for 2013. Coco Brown, a porn star, announced her intent to voyage into outer space in 2014 as part of a private Dutch expedition. A couple days later, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, claimed that he will volunteer as the first person sent into space by the Iranian space program. If Brown and Ahmadinejad were compared, however, who would fare better in outer space? To the tale of the tape!

COCO BROWN
Height: 5’7″
Weight: 110 lbs.
Occupation: Porn star
Outer Space Experience: Training!
Likelihood of Dumping a Titty Out While in Space: “Maybe.”
Would She Survive the Mission? Yes. Since Brown is getting the proper training, she should be totally fine and possibly be the first publicly exposed titty in space ever. Dream big!

 

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
Height: 5’2″
Weight: n/a (probably 140 lbs.)
Occupation: President of Iran
Outer Space Experience: Sent a monkey into space!
Likelihood of Dumping a Titty Out While in Space: Unconfirmed
Would He Survive the Mission? Probably not.

We’re still trying to unravel the devastating Iranian Space Monkey scandal, as a second monkey was revealed, so now no one knows which monkey was shot into space, whether or not it’s alive, or anything anymore. Mohammed Ebrahimi, a space agency official, claims that the monkey who made the flight is in good health, but how does he know that? How does the monkey get back to Earth? Isn’t it just stuck there?

Anyway, Ahmadinejad is most likely “volunteering” himself as a show of confidence for his upstart space program. His last term as president ends in June, so he logically has no need to risk his life on a shaky journey. Then again, he is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, so fuck logic.

(Photo: Matthew Simantov/Flickr)