Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Dir. by Doug Bourne-Movie-Bro Liman, it’s Groundhog Day during an alien invasion and it’s so fantastic and so funny and you’re not watching it because U R SOME HATERS, THIS IS SOME EXHILARATING SHIT
TOM CRUISE BEING GOOD AT BEING TOM CRUISE: 5.0 out of 5.0
Sure, Tom Cruise runs in “way that makes him look like an animated GIF titled Tom Cruise Running” (Village Voice, 2013), but he is fucking good at fucking running. That’s his THING. He is really good at everything USA!USA!USA! *but* not at first when he is an ad-corporate scumbag turned military-corporate scumbag thrust into defending our planet (yey), very slowly evolving into a perfectly coordinated super-robo-alien-slaughterer every time he gets dead and relives the same day (because science fiction) until he is perfectly choreographed manchine. So, see, soldiers are just a resource of trained and armed piles of flesh fighting against the enemy you can’t defeat unless you hack into a specialized realm of the universal consciousness circuit (because science fiction)… I mean, RUN TOM RUN!
THANK YOU FOR NOT FUCKING: 4.5 out of 5.0
Thank you, Angel of Verdun, ya Full Metal Bitch for nary a screw interrupting thy endless ass-kicking, proving you are a true protagonist and not merely an “interesting” thing that shows to deliver some plot explainers and offer sexual relief between tense action sequences. This movie is based on Hiroshi Sakurazaka’s manga “All You Need Is Kill” and well, because fuck love. We gotta save the fucking Earth!
TIME IS TOTALLY A FLAT CIRCLE: 3.5 out of 5.0
Like amor fati but with premature eject-ulations.