Nymph()maniac: Vol. I, Nymph()maniac: Vol. II (2013)

Lars Von Trier’s latest is a long, long story about a girl named Joe who embraces her nymphomania through an endless variety and monotony of overlapping sexual experiences. For our entertainment. DIRECTIONS: After digesting Antichrist and Melancholia, apply Vol. I and Vol. II directly to eyes in quick succession, unless ArtForum is paying you for two disjointed heaps of abstract vacillations.

 

THE IRRELEVANCE OF YOUR OUTRAGE BONER: 4.5 out of 5.0
 
Did you stick around for the end even? Did you get any of the bits about love, sin, morality, crime, loyalty, loneliness, hunger? Get your head out of your orifice and read something good for you, like “The myth of Lars von Trier’s misogyny persists, ultimately, because von Trier wants it to – not because he is a misogynist, but because he’d rather alienate the hypocritical moralists and pedants and prudes he’s spent his whole career railing against than spoon-feed them his message.” (Half parenthesis-labia cut off this rating for those who manage to rightfully redirect the outrage boner towards rape culture.)

 

DIGRESSIONISM™ : 2.5 out of 5.0

Fibonacci numbers and fly fishing patterns as they pertain to double devirginization and train bangs? HEY YOU FUCKER you promised me a new film movement instead I got two cut-aways to YouTube clips and a Romantic Literature format throwback? It all kind of fits tho — in, out, in, out, into the narrative — painfully.

 

DOES IT FILL ALL THE HOLES: 4.0 out of 5.0

☀ cool sunset bro

 

(Graphics: Michael WeinfeldMore: All Minimalist Film Reviews