The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Scorsese ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ superb muah true 2 brand muah. Started from the bottom now there’re Leo & Jonah stealing all the money because Wall Street. (Stealing is bad) Salesmanship. Riches. Intrigue. Vice. (Vice is bad) ”Pharmacy on wings” !!!! (Drugs are very bad) Like fucking & stealing & drugs & brokerbros all sticking their dicks into a tight legal loophole covered in drugs & then *plot* & it’s like a metaphor no no it is not.

SCORSESE AND DICAPRIO’S COMPLICITY IN THE EVILNESS OF WALL STREET: 1.5 out of 5.0

Critics + twitter go BOOO ⚡⚡⚡ \(`0´)/ ⚡⚡⚡ Scorsese ⚡⚡⚡ BOOO Y U R ψ  SO ψ EVIL ψ \(`0´)/ HOW DARE U make movie that makes getting away with unethical business practices on a yacht made of money and pussy over a sea of drugs so cinematic \(`0´) BOOO HOW DARE U make movie about a manipulative maniacal megalomaniac prick of a broker why didn’t you do the one about the nice honest humble stock broker (`0´) BOOO go back to making movies about those nice gangsters that nicely kill people rofl

CINEMATIC MISOGYNY: 2.5 out of 5.0

 

Wall Street bros very civil to Wall Street fem-bros btw, and $ for ( ) and * is broker-bro culture and depicting broker-bros in movie enjoying route misogyny as much as Patrick Bateman looks 2 b enjoying carving people with chainsaws is not misogynist maybe but it is cinematic, I don’t know


CHARACTERIZATIONS/DRUGS: 4.5 
out of 5.0

   

LEO I FORGIV U 4 sucking not snorting prop blow out of hooker’s spread ass because you wallow so beautifully in that perfect quaaludes scene that is the funniest thing you’ve ever done ever (tnx Jonah) I MEAN IT IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY and that whole constant chemical intake as it affects your operational ethics-reality is realistic. Don’t do old quaaludes, kids. Bad.

Minimalist review: Marina Galperina
Minimalist graphics: Nate Cepis
More: All Minimalist Film Reviews