DNAinfo talked to an allergist who said that your abnormally severe nasal allergies this spring are due to a “pollen tsunami,” which is a convenient excuse to use to deflect from your cocaine abuse.

Dr. Clifford Basset, director of Allergy and Asthma Care of New York, said that the snow and rain this winter made the spring’s pollen extra strong, and the colder-than-usual temperatures delayed tree pollination so that it’s happening at the same time as grass pollination. Also the cocaine you’ve been buying has been extra pure. Basset called the combination a “double whammy” and a “pollen tsunami.” “Double whammy” is also your name for when you mix your coke with molly.

Your runny nose, burning sinuses, and itchy red eyes are due to this “pollen tsunami,” you say, and not a result of the lines you spent all last night blowing in a strip club bathroom.

Pollen season will resolve itself within the next few days. Your cocaine problem, however, will not.

(Photo: Scott Akerman)