Behold, the Most Horsesh*t ‘News’ Story in the History of Journalism

10.20.09 Cajun Boy

The Register Star Online > News > State Trooper makes traffic stop on Joslen Boulevard_1256067441595

Earlier today, as I plowed through my extensive collection of bookmarked online information sources, I made my daily stop (Well, not really) over at Hudson, New York’s Register Star, the newspaper serving the fine folks up in Dutchess and Columbia counties, where apparently it’s a painfully slow news day.

Yep, what you see above is totally it. Just a guy pulled over by a state trooper for God knows what. It’s really up to you, the reader, to speculate recklessly as to what exactly this driver did to get pulled over by a cop. Did he carelessly toss a McDonald’s bag containing the remains of a McGriddle sandwich into the ditch on the side of the road? Was he screaming “you’re a soul-raping squash-face” into his cellphone at his wife? Was he swerving across the lane divider as the teenage runaway hooker he picked up at the local Gas-n-Go brought him to a volcanic climax with a mouth yet to be touched by modern dentistry? We’ll never know I guess. It’s up to all of us to always wonder, “Just what did that guy who got pulled over on Joslen Boulevard do?”

I will give Paul Crossman, the intrepid reporter who filed the story, some credit though…never in my life have I seen a headline that so accurately encompassed the entire story:

State Trooper makes traffic stop on Joslen Boulevard


(Ed. note: I’m not one of those people who gets a kick out of mocking and ridiculing old media outlets. However, this one just couldn’t be passed up. Now, on the other hand, some blogs/bloggers would take this story and immediately queef out a “Six Greatest Routine Traffic Stops of All-Time” listicle, and frankly that’s even more fucking retarded the story itself.)