X

Christians and Atheists Unite In Your Hatred for Other Religions


10.01.10 Kari Ferrell

According to the latest polls, it has been said that Atheists know more about religion than their bible-thumping, God-fearing counterparts. Unsurprisingly, the Mormons and Jews knew more about their religion than any other, and even more unsurprisingly Hispanic Catholics knew the least. We can’t hold that against them though, because when’s the last time you’ve seen a bible with subtitles?

The idea of one omnipotent being is utterly outrageous to those of us who have any common sense, but not believing in a creator must be as equally as preposterous to those who do. This is why I have rounded up the most ridiculous religions, that both Christians and Atheists can agree are completely fucking ridiculous.

First up is Scientology, a “religion” whose vast stupidity I’ve showcased in detail before. Believing in one dude who created an entire universe in a week is crazy enough, but then these guys add aliens and volcanoes and fucking stress tests into the mix.

Next we have Heaven’s Gate. Cited as being a “UFO religion,” l have no other choice than to believe that all 38 members who killed themselves deserved to die, and Hale-Bopp was just the world’s way of weeding out the worst. On the plus side, they all got a fresh pair of Nikes and had the best logo of any church yet.

Last, but certainly not least, we have the worst religion of them all: science. Scientists expect us to believe that the earth was created by molecules coming together, energy reacting in strange ways, and other unfounded theories. Sorry, science, but I’m not going to follow you around blindly, until you start providing me with some proof. Christians have this, so what do you have?

Whatever you believe in, chances are, you’re wrong.