Five Things: Pacific Aquarium & Pet

06.06.12 Laura Perlongo & Blaise Cepis

Found it: 46 Delancey St #1 (Between Eldridge & Forsyth)

Thoughts at the Curb: ‘I think it’s probably just fish equipment for restaurants and hotels and rich people with lots of houses. Doubt they have many fish.’

Inside: Andrew, pictured above, ‘hates fish’ (his words). Doesn’t want his picture taken near the tanks. (hint)

1. Fish are indeed sold here!(correct!) Lots! Even to common apartment-renting plebs!

2. Some fish are happy. Some fish are sad.

3. Female guppies must not be fancy.

4. Didn’t think rare invisible fish would be this cheap.

5. If you, most likely a renter, are feeling victimized, economically or otherwise, and have deduced the only answer to end societal degradation is to wipe out society as we know it and thus wish to plot a devastating biological attack on New York using white mosquitoes, you can get a starter kit here for just $4.99. Then again, why would you hate New York? Where anyone, even YOU, a non-restaurateur, is free to buy as many theoretically fancy fish as your theoretical tank can take. Think about it.

Bonus Knowledge: Get to know your guppies

Female Guppys can indeed be fancy! Problem is fancy males, when you’re not looking, develop pointed anal fins – the gonopodium – which is a sign that they’re about to unleash their spermys on the fancy lady kind. According to Guppy Place, the male with the least desirable traits (which doesn’t make sense because how could fancy be bad!) often impregnates the females before a more well-finned suitor can take the lady on a five-star sexcation, ruining chances of controlled fanciest on fanciest breeding. So the females are kept elsewhere – probably in the back where greedy males can’t spoil their special fancy genes.

Stay tuned for five more things in seven more days.