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If BP Doesn’t Kill All of the Whales, Asians Will!


06.21.10 Kari Ferrell

74656070_KK007 whaleToday at a conference in Morocco, the Japanese will begin their fight for the right to continue to hunt and harvest whale meat, despite the fact that no one even wants to go near the stuff any longer. It’s almost like Asians want us to support the total eradication of their people, or something. There’s no other sane explanation for doing whatever it is that this is supposed to be.

Throughout this week, 88 countries will decide whether whaling should be sanctioned commercially for the first time in 24 years. The International Whaling Commission is vying for some sort of compromise that allows some whaling, but is also looking for a way to end Japan’s annual murder hunt extravaganza, that takes place in territory that’s not even theirs.

Japan would like you to think that whaling is to the Japanese as deep-fried everything, and baseball is to Americans. In all actuality, the demand for whale meat has declined significantly since a few years after World War II, which is the only time in Japanese history when whale was eaten across the nation.

In the present day, to the 30-50 year olds of the country, whale meat only brings up repressed memories of being poor and by-the-dock-rape. It seems that whale meat is the Japanese equivalent of Spam in the US, just slightly more regal, because, hello, you’re eating a fucking whale.

So, they must want to whale due to some sort of financial gain, right? Well, no. Apparently hunting only supports a few thousand jobs, and garners approximately 90 mill a year. To put that into perspective, Toyota (even with that whole “sorry, our brakes don’t actually work” thing) makes that in two weeks.

As much fun as harpooning a large, marine-dwelling mammal sounds; I’d just as soon fuck Donna Simpson in a K-Mart brand kiddie pool, with an easy listening CD of seagulls and foghorns playing in the background.