I’ve been called many a name in my lifetime; a racist, a liar, a whore, a bigot, Asian, a cheater, a robber, a drug addict, a misogynist and a good fuck. Only three to four of these pithy accusations are true, and I’m surprised at the amount of people who can’t see past the veil of sarcasm I’m generally speaking through.
Today, my editor sent this article to me, and I was elated. Being a narcissist, I worry that my time in the spotlight is coming to an end, so when people write things about me (positive or negative), it just fuels the fire. There are, however, a few corrections that need to be made to Mr. Diallo’s ramblings.
One: When I posed naked the first time, the post on Gawker had over 42,000 hits. Second time around, approximately 16,800 people saw my lady bags. I don’t know if that constitutes as “bringing a lot of attention,” but I’m sure that’s more page views than your little website gets.
Two: I wasn’t in prison, I was in jail. It seems as if the author of this post would quickly put me on blast for having incorrect facts within my drivel, so it’s interesting that he wouldn’t do a bit more research. Further more, he insinuates that spending my formative years in Salt Lake City is cause for my fucked up behaviour. Which, to me, can be likened to making false assumptions about Jews—the only difference between him and me, is that he is serious.
Three: My comments are cliche and child-like for a reason. By saying these things, I am attempting to project some sort of irony into my post. They’re not meant to be clever or ingenious, they’re meant to reflect the asinine viewpoints that many people have today, and–of course–facilitate my need to be immature. I’m not a real racist, but some people are, and what better way to showcase the preposterousness of it all than to “become” them? Certainly not by being serious, or rebuking their statements. Come on, who do you think I am?
Four: You don’t think that I’m funny, but you reference a hallway, with seemingly no ironic undertones. Oh wait, that’s just me misinterpreting your whole message. Maybe we are more similar than we thought…
Five: That last line, “Enjoy Brooklyn–the gentrifiers are coming” confuses me. Is that supposed to be some kind of threat? Don’t they know that I’m part of that gentrification? If they’re trying to allude to the idea that because I am Asian, I’m soon going to have a hard time living in that borough because the Whites are coming, then they really don’t know what they’re yammering on about. If that statement was alluding to the idea that Jews are taking back the land that is rightfully theirs, well, that’s some real New World Order type shit.
The bottom line is, try not to take everything I say so seriously. I don’t generally write about things like this, because I usually believe that I deserve to hear what people are saying about me. However, when it comes to racism and sexism, I feel like I have to refute. I’m not denying that the things I write or say aren’t terrible, but I am denying the allegation of that what fuels those terrible comments is genuine hatred.
This will more than likely be my only serious post, ever. So, don’t fret; racist, sexist, bigoted and all-around offensive phrases, slang terms, and incoherent babbling will resume shortly.
However, if this becomes too much of a problem, I’ll just follow Helen Thomas‘ lead, and retire in a blaze of glory.