Married Folk Who Do House Chores Get to Bone Their Spouses More Often

10.21.09 Cajun Boy

al and peg bundy

Hey you know what sucks? Marriage! Yep, for most people, tying the ole not means putting the ole genitals in a jar filled with formaldehyde since they’ll be just about as useful as a dead fetus contained inside of a jar filled with the same. But lookie here…if you’re married, you can actually increase your chances of actually using your genitals for coitus if you’re willing to do the laundry and clean the toilet bowl every now and again.

Yes, a new study published by the Journal of Family Issues — whatever the hell that is — says that the more married men and women are willing to do housework, the more likely they are to get to engage in passionless sex with the annoying spouses who they secretly hate.

Reports the Wall Street Journal:

The study defined housework as nine chores: cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills. Wives in the study spent an average 41.8 hours a week on these tasks, compared with 23.4 hours for husbands—a split that is fairly typical, and often regarded by wives as unfair. However, the effects of any fairness concerns among wives weren’t measured in this study.

Tom Doran, a Plymouth, Mich., engineer, says doing housework “promotes friendship and intimacy” for him and his wife, an executive assistant. And John Rogitz, a San Diego attorney who has been married for 30 years, says, “If you’re both around doing housework, that also means you are alone together, and in a place where both are relaxed and comfortable.” He adds, “It’s pretty hard to have sex when you’re not together in a place that permits it.”

Another husband, a St. Paul, Minn., accountant who describes himself as happily married for 20 years, says housework reflects a deeper bond. Although he does plenty of housework, “to me it’s not the dishes, laundry, vacuuming (or Viagra) that matters,” he writes. Sharing chores reflects a “willingness to hold my wife’s needs and wants on a par with my own. For us, the key to intimacy is the sharing and minimization of selfishness.” His wife, a nurse, agrees, saying that “doing the household chores is certainly part of the sharing.”

The study fails to mention whether or not having a hot, young Latino maid increases the likelihood that a husband might get laid more often, but anyone with half a brain already knows that it does.