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Minimalist Film Reviews: The Canyons


08.07.13 Marina Galperina & Nate Cepis

The Canyons (2013)

STFU I WAITED FOR OVER A YEAR FOR THIS *breathe breathe* So, Bret At Do Bring Coke Easton Ellis wrote this script @ y he hates LA, TWINSIES! Lindsay’s back <3 +Male porn star. #hype. Meta-actor-director-drama stuff. It’s good STFU but if you’ve never had awkward group sex or been stalked by a crazy person, you might not appreciate sum but o i c u r 2 busy not STFUing & giggling at penis to see the funny parts.


INDIE-NON-INDIE-INDIE-NON-INDIE-WAIT-WHAT-ARE-WE-MAKING-AGAIN BUDGETING: 1.5 out of 5.0

Paul Schrader was so v excite a year ago like hav u heard @ this Kickstart-thing? Then they make this indie film, but they make it like a blockbuster film with not enough money…egh soundtrack meh mix lil cracks become evident. Distracting, if u r up ur own ass composing insult tweets. First 10mins in restaurant is like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf? tense, like, I mean, lil good things U STFU


THE SEXXX: 2.5 out of 5.0 

 

I mean… U know the 1st dude they invited in from the internet is also from porn, right? “Young people in nice rooms doing bad things” and it’s like that.


JAMES DEEN’S ACTING: 2.5 out of 5.0

Schrader: “You’re an evil asshole.” *He needs to act like an insecure asshole.*
Deen: “I am an evil asshole.” *?!!how is my acting how is it ughhh is ok?!!*
Deen acts like an insecure asshole. Basically.

Good

STFUUUUUUUUU
Minimalist review: Marina Galperina
Minimalist graphics: Nate Cepis
More: All Minimalist Film Reviews