POPE
Pope vs. Dalai Lama
Another global religious leader is visiting the U.S. right now. Those filthy anarchists in Seattle were proud to have hosted the saffron savior himself, the Gentle Glory and Compassionate Defender of the Faith, another man occasionally known as His Holiness -- the 14th Dalai Lama, the exiled spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists. Like Pope Benedict XVI, the Dalai Lama keeps a busy travel schedule during which he urges world peace and condemns boy-fucking. No, wait -- that’s just the Pope.
Here’s how they stack up. (Full disclosure: I walked past the Dalai Lama in the Taipei airport in 2005, and he looked smashing.)| Pope | Dalia Lama | |
|---|---|---|
| Birth name | Joseph Alois Ratzinger | Lhamo Dhondrub |
| Birth date, place | April 16, 1927, Germany | July 6, 1935, Tibet |
| Height | Taller than most nuns | Taller than Short Round, but shorter than President Bush but shorter than Richard Gere |
| Reach | Latin America | White urban neighborhoods, parts of Northern Ireland |
| Animal he most resembles | rattus norvegicus | chelydra serpentine |
| Adored by | waning congregations | Buddhists, dirty hippies, of pregnant, unwed Latinas, Hollywood |
| At the age of 15 | was in the Hitler Youth | already an enlightened being |
| Attained office through | election | reincarnation |
| Age of ascension | 78 | 15 |
| Loves | fresh linens | tax-deductible donations |
| Hates | rubbers, lawyers | Kabbalah, rainy days |
| Position on China | converts galore! | sucks |
| Position on boy-fucking | against | unknown |
by ANIMAL on April 16, 2008
