X

Sex With Putin


02.27.12 Marina Galperina

firsttime

With the Russian presidential elections just around the corner, Putin’s campaign team is getting intimate, pitching woo to “virgin” voters. Yes, it goes there.

Allow me to (kinda) translate. A doe-eyed gal goes to a fortune teller, who kittenishly divulges:

“We’ll find out, little beauty, who fate has in store for you.”
“You know, I hope it’s for love.” Blink-blink-blink. “It’s my… first time.”
“The carrrds will tell the truth… I see it will be for love… without deception…” (AHEM AHEM)
A Putin card is revealed.
“Wow. It’s him!”
“You’ll be happy with him. He’ll protect you like a stone wall.” (Or something…)

And the kicker:

Putin. First time — only for <3.

Oh, barf. Well, if a Putin deflowering is not to your taste, here’s a United Russia/Putin party classic — hot random sex in a voting booth while disregarding election procedures!

(Tip: Julia Ioffe)