In An Absolut World Love=Money


Ahhh, what a touching premise. What a touching video. What a touching feeling. It’s Absolut poetry! I’m shitfaced on wistfulness. And what a perfect time to present us with this touching fantasy world, what with everybody in the world with no money. Absolut has brilliantly positioned themselves as the Dalai Lama of hooch brands. I’m going to try this currency replacement technique out tomorrow! First, I’m going to take a cab 180 blocks to work, and then smile and place my hand on the plastic partition before exiting without paying. Just to be safe, I’m going to run. Next, I’m going to pay for my Dunkin’ Donuts black coffee by kissing the unsmiling young man who waits on me every day on the forehead. Then run. After work, I’m going to stop by my favorite watering hole and order a triple Absolut on the rocks. After downing it, I’ll ask the bartender if he/she wants a neck rub. If not, I’ll warmly shake his/her hand and sprint out of the bar. Next, dinner… Related: Absolut Wants To Save The Earth While Polluting Us.

By Copyranter on February 11, 2009 at 11:00 am
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Kanye West Subjects Straphangers To Annoying Ad Campaign

You may have seen the video on YouTube or the print ads in magazines for Absolut’s deceitfully silly BeKANYE ad campaign. Here’s the equally obnoxious subway version. Photo: |Salvamesoto| (Click image to enlarge)

By ANIMAL on July 16, 2008 at 6:07 pm
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Absolut Wordsworthlessness

As part of their ongoing, hollow as a jack o’ lantern effort to tie drinking hooch to saving the world, Absolut last week hit high circulation mags with this absolutely hilarious edict ad. Never have 119 words said less. Click it, and muse along with me. Third stanza: “In an Absolut world, it’s not about right or wrong, only what if and why not?” Sooo, an Absolut world=drunken chaos? I don’t think that would be good for your sales—people ain’t gonna pay for their liquor if stealing it isn’t wrong. Moving on: the big dilemma here for our word painter was how to uncomfortably wedge product sell into this revolutionary manifesto. Second stanza: “…and we create a new world as ideal and inspired as our vodka.” Hooey detector smoking! Jesus, it’s 10am and I already need a fucking drink (maybe the ad works?).
Ad: Scanned from Entertainment Weekly
-Copyranter

By ANIMAL on June 26, 2008 at 11:48 am
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Absolut Wants To Save Earth While Polluting Us

Understanding that, these days, nothing is cooler than hand-wringing eco-consciousness, Absolut has positioned themselves as the 80-proof savior of the world. What a puddle of puke; they’re not even the greenest vodka! As part of their current In An Absolut World campaign, they’re sponsoring an ongoing Live Earth Film Series featuring shorts by about 30 directors. This is one from earlier this year about plastic bag usage titled “Think.” It features a store clerk and a woman alternately slapping each other in the face over proper bagging etiquette. It is not even mildly engaging. Maybe in an Absolut world—where I’d be shitfaced on Absolut 24/7 and wouldn’t be able to sense the crass marketing opportunism of this hooey—I’d have enjoyed it more.

-Copyranter

By ANIMAL on June 20, 2008 at 11:10 am
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