Supposedly the new ads feature scenes of grizzlies, mama grizzlies, other bears, eagles, glaciers, Levi Johnston posing in various types of shower stalls, tango-dancing Bristol Palins, and other key symbols of Alaskan-ness. Republican governor Sean Parnell and other state lawmakers believe in small government so much that they approved $600,000 of taxpayer money to fund the ads, which will boost the state economy and make everyone very rich.

“Obviously, any time you put Alaska in front of people, no matter the context, it’s a good thing,” ATIA marketing director Kathy Dunn says. “Exposure is always good.” Ooh, seems like somebody’s been reading from the “Sarah Palin Handbook of Self-Promotion”! Coming soon: Crazy paranoid rants on the ATIA’s official Facebook page, and a declaration of war against the tourist board of Hawaii (aka “Obamalaska”).

A video from that night stars the detained journo-blogger and Miller’s hired goons going after some other reporters on the scene:

Particularly comical is the expressionless guard who moves his hand around in a half-assed attempt to prevent the camera from capturing … what, exactly? We can still see you, buddy. Can see the journo-blogger and the cop talking in the background, too. Wear bigger hands next time.

The blog Palingates has looked into Drop Zone Security Services, the Anchorage-based security firm Miller hired for the event, and uncovered that its owner, William F. Fulton, hangs with the Alaska Citizens Militia—which is connected to the Alaskan Independence Party, which is connected to the thigh bone, which is connected to the knee bone, which is connected to the extremism bone. The AIP wants Alaska to become its own country as per the hopes and dreams of its founder, Joe Vogler (a gold miner-lawyer, not a lumberjack-lawyer).

Fulton—who goes by “Dropzone Bill” when he’s hanging out on the ACM googlegroup—apparently lets militia members meet at his firm’s HQ, and also supplies them with military gear. But he doesn’t wear a uniform, says ACM commander Norm Olson, who sometimes dresses like “Paul Revere G.I. Joe.”

Palingates posts a screen shot of a message, left on the ACM googlegroup by member Ray Southwell, that places Joe Miller at a militia meeting spot:

“… I first met Joe Miller at a small meeting at Fred Struman’s building in Soldotna. (where the militia has met) He was asked tough questions … I asked him how he was going to change Washington D.C. He believes there is going to be a large change in Senators in November. He also believes change will occur with the new group of Senators.

I have been in three parades this summer. In two of those parades, Joe miller was in position just in front of my wife and I. Faith and I have met and spoken to his father and wife. His father is a retired farmer from the lower 48. No arrogance, just like the rest of us. His wife is the mother of their 8 children 4 boys and 4 girls. Our wife’s seemed comfortable talking to each other.”

None of this is surprising, given that Sarah Palin—who’s captain of Joe Miller’s cheer-tweeting squad—has been hanging with extremists since before Bristol could spell “unintentional.” Seems like chilling with militia folks is a “thing” with her crew.

Speaking of Palin, the Palingates muckrakers noticed that, as governor, she appointed Miller to Alaska’s Commission on Judicial Conduct back in 2008, but withdrew the appointment two weeks later. Palin had already appointed Miller to serve on a different state board.

He says it keeps him focused and other races jealous. But it shouldn’t matter if he uses cannabis or not, it’s not like he’s getting the dogs stoned. Right? And if he did, that’s hardly performance enhancing. Mackey reasons, “It is a dog race, not a human race. It (using a drug) doesn’t affect the outcome of the race.” |ADN|

As I’ve previously stated, I’m sort of over Levi Johnston. I often wish he’d just go back to Wasilla and drown himself in meth-ed out pussy and moose chili. But every now and again Levi will bait a hook that I can’t help but bite, like this morning when he appeared on CBS’ The Early Show and insinuated that he has dirt on Sarah Palin that could absolutely destroy her. Yes Levi, go on!

In part one of a two part interview with Early Show hottie Maggie Rodriguez that aired today, Johnston said:

There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way…I have things that can, you know — that would get her in trouble, and could hurt her. Will hurt her. But I’m not gonna go that far. You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.

Now, I wonder what these “things” Levi has on Sarah are? Did she try to seduce him one night when Todd was on the snow-pony and Bristol was breast-feeding young Trig? Maybe Sarah’s got cheesy feet and farts a lot? Or maybe she had a fake baby?! Whatever it is, I WANT TO KNOW! Then again, Levi could be full of shit and just be saying stuff to keep himself in the news, but he seems, if nothing else, honest.

Oh, and Levi also said that Palin would go around calling her Down Syndrome-afflicted son Trig a retard. Enjoy…

Watch CBS News Videos Online

As hillbilly governor Sarah Palin tweets about mama bears protecting their cubs and readies her hasty retreat, a huge unidentifiable blob “up to 12 miles long” has been spotted in Alaskan waters. The Coast Guard was sent to investigate, but so far they’ve only determined what it isn’t. “It’s definitely not an oil product of any kind. It has no characteristics of an oil, or a hazardous substance, for that matter,” said Petty Officer 1st Class Terry Hasenauer, adding he’s pretty sure it’s a biological entity of some sort. |ADN|

“Rats are highly effective as invaders: They are secretive, intelligent, and reproduce at very high rates. They are also ravenous predators that eat the young, eggs, and sometimes adults of birds and other small animals. Well known as carriers of serious diseases in humans, rats are also responsible for diseases that can adversely affect wildlife and, potentially consumers of those wilflife species.”

Go ahead and change out the word “rats” and marvel at how relevant it is to define other people and topics too.