Never mind the music. Well, ok, I may consider swaying my chin to it in some skanky night club, maybe, just to look busy but what are they doing? That looks like a puppy! I mean, you guys just took the wonderful thing that is a deep platonic relationship with man’s best friend and turned it into erotic drool swapping and pantless straddling with canines. Tsk.

If I may take some liberty to critique, obviously, they’re trying to compete with the head-fuck that was Duck Sauce’s Big Bad Wolf. No, literally. It’s a head-fuck:

The promotional posters for Lindsay Lohan’s yet-to-be-filmed Linda Lovelace biopic Inferno have just spored. Shot by Tyler Shields, the same “friend” and celebrity weasel photographer that had Lohan sucking on a gun and rolling around in lingerie and fake blood earlier. One of these Inferno promo posters is an homage to Deep Throat. The other poster has a wigged Lohan about to engage in pornography (at gunpoint.)

Based on Linda Lovelace’s auto-biography Ordeal, the Inferno biopic reveals Lovelace as an industry victim forced into making porn films by her sadistic husband (at gunpoint) or what Lohan calls “a tragic love story.” One of these forced porn films was with a dog, by the way. Romantic…

Tyler Shields shooting and web-circulating of Lindsay Lohan’s promo pictures should help get the film some funding, but right now it’s just giving the awkward, sadomasochist-lite photog some exposure and Lohan play time.

Before Lovelace escaped her husband’s mafia buddies and became an anti-pornography activist, she starred in Deep Throat (at gunpoint?). To better acquaint yourself with the flick that changed the porn industry forever, check out the 2005, Dennis Hopper-narrated documentary Inside Deep Throat:

Two years ago, yes, just TWO YEARS AGO, the Tennessee state legislature passed a law making it illegal for residents of that state to bone animals. Since that time prosecutors across the state have been hesitant to enforce the law, lest too many of their friends and relatives get locked up I’m assuming. However, it’s become apparent that horse-fucking is so out of control there that the state is finally going to begin enforcing the law. Or something. |USA Today|

If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk,’” Judge James J. Morley reportedly said.

Naturally, the assistant prosecutor in the case is appalled by the ruling and had this to say, “I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment.” Amen!

And although the officer was found not guilty of this offense, he and his girlfriend still faces charges for “sexually assaulting three girls over a five-year-period.” Can’t wait to see how a Garden State jury of his peers rules on that case. |NYDN|