ANIMAL » COCAINE

Coke Dealers Lament as Sales Take Nosedive

ANIMAL — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:04:07 +0000

Let’s face it, folks, this economy blows. Everyone from lawyers to window washers are feeling the pinch and New York City coke dealers are no different. Guys who used to stroll into high-rises or meet you at the club are now having to sell their goods on the streets, becoming less selective of their clientele.

A recent study shows that cocaine related deaths have been steadily declining since 2008 with 274 fatalities compared to 478 in 2006. That, of course, is great news. On the other hand this is definitely a sign that the party is over. If things get any worse people will have to start straining the water or extracting coke from dollar bills, which are also deceptively hard to find. So, roll up that blunt and pop in some Futurama folks! We’re gonna be here a while.(Photo: Jack Zalium/flickr)

Did Sarah Palin Do Coke Off An Oil Drum?

Myles Tanzer — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 18:18:39 +0000

Fox News contributor and red meat conservative Sarah Palin is about as uncool as they come. So we’re skeptical about the accusations that she sniffed lines of coke off an overturned 55-gallon oil drum with her friends after snowmobiling around Alaska — it’s just way too badass.

All of this information is from Joe McGinniss’s soon to be realeased book called The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin.

The book also says that Palin has cheated on her husband twice. Once with Todd Palin’s redneck-looking friend Brad Hanson and another one with NBA all star Glen Rice.

There’s just no way these are true. It’s not believable that Palin had awesome drug benders and fucked Glen Rice before becoming the Mama Grizzly Tea Party matriarch we all hate to death. Plus anyone who’s ever read The Journalist And The Murderer knows that Joe McGinnis is a total scumbag that will do anything to sell copies of his books. Sarah Palin — you’re still not cool.

Actor Owes Career to Cocaine, Disses It Instead

Bucky Turco — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 16:28:53 +0000

In a Newsweek article penned by Dennis Quaid, the actor admits that getting addicted to cocaine in the 80s is one of his biggest regrets, which is hard to believe… that’s when he produced some of his best work. He writes about the drug’s popularity back then, in Hollywood especially:

“Cocaine was even in the budgets of movies, thinly disguised. It was petty cash, you know? It was supplied, basically, on movie sets because everyone was doing it. People would make deals. Instead of having a cocktail, you’d have a line.”

The actor said he gave up the habit in the 1990s and that just might explain the string of terrible films he did in that decade.

U.S. Postal Service, Great for Sending Cocaine

Bucky Turco — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 19:19:11 +0000

Cocaine dealers in Puerto Rico are having a lot of success shipping their product to the states via the U.S. Postal Service reports the Associated Press. It’s not only cheap, but also requires a lot less coordination than say go-fast boats or narco submarines. Connecticut is one of the key points of entry for the parcels, but according to a postal inspector, it’s not too hard to find the culprits: “Anywhere there is a good amount of Puerto Ricans, you see the issue.”

Traffic Triggers More Heart Attacks Than Cocaine and Sex

Bucky Turco — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 17:14:08 +0000

According to a new study, pollution caused by traffic (7.4%) triggered the most heart attacks worldwide, compared to say coffee (5%), air pollution (4.8%) or sexual activity (2.2%). Although cocaine was most likely to increase the risks for heart attacks, only a small amount of people party, so it only accounted for less than 1 percent overall. Drivers beware!

Jurors Judging Buju

Bucky Turco — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 18:03:45 +0000

The 12 jurors hearing Buju Banton’s cocaine conspiracy retrial have retired and begun deliberations. A verdict could be handed down as early as this afternoon. If found guilty, the Grammy Award-winning dancehall extraordinaire could face life in prison. But if he’s innocent, can look forward to a booming career and just as importantly, the highest quality.

Another Cocaine Submarine Surfaces

Bucky Turco — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 18:21:33 +0000

The Colombian army found a submarine in the jungle capable of sailing to the coast of Mexico at a depth of 30 feet reports the UK’s Metro. The fully submersible vessel ran on diesel fuel and had the capacity to hold 8 tons of cocaine, according to one of the soldiers. Too bad it was empty.

U.S. Continues ‘Pyrrhic War’ On Drugs

Bucky Turco — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 20:30:02 +0000

According to Reuters and others, the U.S. government is stepping up its cocaine eradication efforts in Colombia—HA! Yet, somehow, despite all the aid sent ($6 billion in the last 11 years), military assistance, and intelligence, the South American country still manages to be the world’s leading supplier, just like Afghanistan is for heroin. How is that wherever we deploy the most anti-drug assets, the more drugs there are? Must be a coincidence or something.

David Bowie’s Cocaine Finger

Marina Galperina — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 21:55:47 +0000

David Bowie has confirmed the upcoming release of his coffee table book Bowie: Object. It’s full of the English rocker’s own “insightful, witty and personal” annotations as well as 100 visual artifacts of his “creative process” including a Kirlian scan of the Thin White Dukes’ fingertip before and after a hell of a lot of cocaine. Creative cocaine.

Buju’s Jury Split Down the Middle

Bucky Turco — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:31:01 +0000

The foreman for the 12-member jury deciding Buju Banton’s cocaine trial told the judge that they’re currently deadlocked: “[W]e have been reviewing evidence, nobody has changed their minds from their original positions.” Deliberating since Thursday, they can’t come to a unanimous decision and asked Judge Moody for further instructions. He basically told them to get back at it and take their time reports the Jamaica Observer. Defense attorney David Oscar Markus moved for a mistrial, but was denied. Stay tuned.