Disgusting Smokeable Substance Might Cause Heart Problems for Teens…

Or maybe it doesn’t. The Texas doctor who proposed the theory linking K2 and other crappy brands of smokeable incense to heart problems admits the results of his vast test group, three teenagers in all, are still inconclusive. But hey, there’s no harm in a little speculating. Similarly, the DEA used its emergency powers a few months ago, to ban the chemicals used in making the herbal blends, potentially staving off mass deaths or more likely, lots of headaches.

DEA Rules Against Science, Justice, and the American Way

The DEA, a federal agency with no medical expertise whatsoever and an obvious conflict of interest, has decided that pot lacks therapeutic value and therefore should remain a Schedule I drug. This decision was in response to a petition filed way back in 2002 seeking to have cannabis reclassified, but according to the feds, weed has “no currently accepted medical use.” REALLY? Read more »

Buju Banton Committed to Higher Learning

Late last week, Buju Banton was sentenced to ten years in federal prison for conspiracy charges related to a cocaine deal the DEA says he set up. If credited with good behavior, his defense attorney, David Oscar Marus, thinks the dancehall superstar will end up serving a little more than half that time and that’s exactly what he plans on doing. Banton has already taken up classes and plans on pursuing a master’s degree. Read more »

Feds Uproot Medical Weed in Montana

The DEA and other federal agencies raided several dispensaries all across Montana on Monday, demolishing equipment, seizing plants, and aggravating otherwise law abiding citizens like Brett Thompson, who posted a photo gallery on Facebook of his legal-under-state law-farm after authorities tore through it entitled: “THE FEDS DESTROYED OUR LIVES TODAY.” NORML has been feverishly documenting the transgressions that President Obama promised wouldn’t happen in states with medical weed laws, which means all politicians lie or the DEA has gone rogue.

DEA Wins War on Fake Drugs

K2 and other smokable herbal blends are now illegal under federal law. USA Today reports that the DEA used its “emergency power” on Tuesday, hysterically, to reclassify the chemicals in the products as Schedule I drugs for a year, putting them in a more restrictive category than cocaine and sending a generation of the incense-addicted scrambling. The substances will now join the ranks of weed, LSD, shrooms, MDMA and other crowd faves.

DEA Agent Tesitfies Against DEA in Buju Trial

Just like before, DEA agent and lead investigator, Dan McCaffrey, acknowledged “there was no evidence” of Buju Banton being a “drug trafficker” on the opening day of the dancehall artist’s retrial on Monday reports the Jamaica Observer. Defense Attorney David Oscar Markus was also able to get him to admit—under cross examination—that Buju didn’t put the money up or stand to profit from the transaction he was arrested for. McCaffrey even went on to say that there’s no link between the man who financed the deal and Buju. However, the agent did counter that he was likely a broker. Today, jurors heard tapes of Buju talking about drugs, but his lawyer said it was just that, talk.

Since the DEA is eating up valuable resources and making drug dealers richer, a pot lobbyist with the MPP is suggesting that fiscal Republican consider cutting their budget. Ha, it would be easier to convince the mafia to go legit.

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Watch a DEA Agent Shoot Himself

After watching this video, you can understand why DEA agent and lecturer, Lee Paige, felt like an idiot when it was leaked onto the internet and why he is suing the federal government. Famous last words: “I’m the only one in this room who is professional enough, that I know of, to carry this Glock40.” Bang!

Feds Put K2 In Same Category As Crack, Heroin

The DEA has temporarily banned the chemicals used to make K2 and the other silly herbal blends smoked by teens too stupid to cop real weed. For now, they’ll be classified in the same group as Schedule 1 drugs like cocaine, heroin, PCP, LSD, MDMA, Psilocin, pot, and other fun substances, which quite frankly, is disrespectful to said substances—at least they’re enjoyable. Read more »

Wanted: Ebonics Experts

The DEA is on a hiring spree for linguists and in their Atlanta field office, that includes someone qualified in slang, Ebonics specifically. There’s currently nine translator positions available. Individuals will be required to listen to recordings and assist investigations in deciphering them. For the more dancehall inclined, they’re also looking for people who can translate “Jamaican patois.” |TSG|