Hey, ever wonder why fountain soft drinks taste so much better than soft drinks from a plastic bottle or a can? Well maybe it’s the tiny particles of shit?! A team of researchers from Hollins University (where the hell is Hollins?) found that 48% of sodas from fast food fountains “contain coliform bacteria, which is typically fecal in origin.” |Huff Po|

A San Diego man who sneaked a paper bag filled with his own feces into court and then smeared it all over his lawyer’s face and threw the rest at the jury has been sentenced to 31 years in prison for robbery. He was also ordered to pay $129 in restitution to a juror to replace the juror’s briefcase, which was unfortunately hit by a mound of flying feces. |San Diego Union Tribune|