Earlier today, as I plowed through my extensive collection of bookmarked online information sources, I made my daily stop (Well, not really) over at Hudson, New York’s Register Star, the newspaper serving the fine folks up in Dutchess and Columbia counties, where apparently it’s a painfully slow news day.

Yep, what you see above is totally it. Just a guy pulled over by a state trooper for God knows what. It’s really up to you, the reader, to speculate recklessly as to what exactly this driver did to get pulled over by a cop. Did he carelessly toss a McDonald’s bag containing the remains of a McGriddle sandwich into the ditch on the side of the road? Was he screaming “you’re a soul-raping squash-face” into his cellphone at his wife? Was he swerving across the lane divider as the teenage runaway hooker he picked up at the local Gas-n-Go brought him to a volcanic climax with a mouth yet to be touched by modern dentistry? We’ll never know I guess. It’s up to all of us to always wonder, “Just what did that guy who got pulled over on Joslen Boulevard do?”

I will give Paul Crossman, the intrepid reporter who filed the story, some credit though…never in my life have I seen a headline that so accurately encompassed the entire story:

State Trooper makes traffic stop on Joslen Boulevard

Journalism!

(Ed. note: I’m not one of those people who gets a kick out of mocking and ridiculing old media outlets. However, this one just couldn’t be passed up. Now, on the other hand, some blogs/bloggers would take this story and immediately queef out a “Six Greatest Routine Traffic Stops of All-Time” listicle, and frankly that’s even more fucking retarded the story itself.)

Here’s Goldberg’s exact quote:

I know it wasn’t rape-rape. I think it was something else, but I don’t believe it was rape-rape.

Now, let’s review the indisputable facts of this case as we know them: Polanski, who was guest-editing a fashion magazine at the time, fed his victim, then 13 year-old model Samantha Gailey, with champagne and drugs at Jack Nicholson’s house. After getting her high/intoxicated, he took nude pictures of her in a hot tub and then forced vaginal and anal sex upon her, despite her barely lucid protests to get him to stop. He was able to secure him a deal with prosecutors, pleading guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, thereby avoiding being charged with rape and sodomy. Had Polanski been charged with rape and sodomy, then Gailey’s name would have been made public, which was something she and her family did not want at the time, so Polanski lucked out. He then fled the country prior to the date he was supposed to begin serving his term.

Now, I want all of you to take a second and, if you’re a girl, remember back to the time you were thirteen. If you’re a guy, think of a girl you know/knew at thirteen, maybe your sister or your cousin or a girl you had a crush on in junior high. Now imagine that girl BEING DRUGGED BY A FORTY-ISH MAN AND FUCKED IN THE ASS AGAINST HER WILL! Yeah, it’s beyond revolting. Now re-read Goldberg’s comment and then read this:

One celebrity supporter, the actress Debra Winger, said it was a “three-decades-old case that is dead but for minor technicalities. We stand by him and await his release and his next masterpiece.” Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein said Polanski was a “humanist” who had been the victim of a “miscarriage of justice”. He said: “We will have to speak to our leaders, particularly in California. I’m not too shy to go and talk to the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and to ask him once and for all to look at this.” However, the views of the Hollywood elite seemed out of step with those of ordinary Americans and they now face a backlash.

To hell with Roman Polanski! I don’t care if he’s now a kindly old man with more than a twinge of artistic genius, this guy is the worst of the worst and should be locked away to spend his dying days being ass-raped by fellow inmates so he can go to his grave knowing exactly what he did. Period!