It’s starring some proprietors/managers of a Russian restaurant, apparently, which is kind of like a normal restaurant but it serves cow tongue jelly and has mirrors and fake marble everywhere but no windows, because we don’t want you Americans to see what we’re doing. Muhahaw.

You will, kind of: ‘Russian Dolls’ debuts on MTV Aug 11 at 10:30PM.

Here’s a shark coming ashore at Seaside Park yeterday, the same beach where Snooki was arrested. Shot by surfer Jennifer Abbondanza, it’s no Jaws, but did cause a brief closing of the Jersey Shore beach and prompt lifeguards ending their shift to warn people: “Stay away, stay alive.”

This new televised travesty scrapes together immigrant spawn from the few ex-USSR countries currently sporing in the Soviet ’70s time capsule that is Brighton Beach. But don’t worry, be they Ukranian Jew or Georgian or whatever the hell Dizik the newly casted “Vinnie” equivalent is, this gaggle of “Russian” bleached blondes and meat heads will surely prove that we Slavs can be as drunk, obnoxious and unconcerned of the image we project as fake Italians.

By the way, New Yorker, Russki is not the Russian equivalent of ‘guido.’ It just means “a Russian” in Russian. Awkward, no? |NYer|

Image: NYT

Here are American heroes, Ronnie, DJ Pauly D and “The Situation” doing a Jersey Shore version of The Hurt Locker for George Lopez’s show. Each night the reality show cast will be featured in short remakes of Best Picture nominees. They also did a not-as-funny reenactment of Inglorious Basterds.

Among the survivors were Jersey Shore cast members Snooki and Vinny, both of whom made it out alive, prompting the smarter one of the bunch to offer a theological explanation for the mishap via Twitter:

Are you confused by the goings-on at the health care summit currently being convened in Washington? Fear not. Jake Tapper, the senior White House correspondent for ABC News explains the nuances of the proceedings on Twitter in a language the people can understand: Jersey Shorian.

How can anyone be mad at mainstream photographer Terry Richardson for shooting the male cast of the Jersey Shore when he’s also done the same for Kermit the frog? Or Obama for that matter. More cool guy – guido intermixing over here.

Well you just knew they were out there! DUH! If you had Feb. 12th in your “When will naked pictures of Snooki surface” office pool, well, WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! Update: A new, not so naked photo has been posted on the site.

The creatively named website NakedSnooki.com claims there’s more where this one came from. Looks like I’ll be venturing out for an industrial-sized bottle of baby oil and a sheet of visqueen this weekend. C’mon, who’s with me?!?! (Just kidding…fully-clothed Snooki is already certifiable erection kryptonite, much less naked Snooki.)

And yes, if the fierce tan and ample booty weren’t enough to prove it, this most definitely is the Snickers herself as it’s authenticity has been verified by Radar Online.

So who’s next? Vegas should have a line on this. My money’s on either Jwoww’s hideous fake boobs or Pauly-D’s pierced Italian sausage making a public appearance, but I bet you could great odds on Vinny, the obvious darkhorse. |via Gawker|

Well so much for that rumored “Snookin’ For Love” Jersey Shore spinoff! Snooki, it appears, has a boyfriend, one she says “just like my typical guido juicehead with like a good personality.”

Reports the Daily News:

The pint-sized reality star has been proudly flaunting her new relationship with boyfriend Emilio Antonio, who according to Snooki, could give cast mate The Situation a run for his money.

“He’s actually a body builder and works at the gym,” she said. “I am really excited to like show the public who he is.

“He is freaking banging. We’re the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that.”

Hopefully this jackass will stick around long enough to be a regular duck phone caller in the next season of the show. He looks like a real, ugh, character.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself thinking lately, as you’ve shivered while walking through the frozen tundra of New York City, “Gee, I sure can’t wait till summer gets here…maybe I can find a cool beach house somewhere?!” Well, your search is over pal!

You know you want to spend some time in the same 6 bedroom, 3 bath house in Seaside, New Jersey where Snooki once laid her poofy head down each night. Now here’s the best part: it’s only going to cost you $6500 a night! Oh yes, you read that right.

Reports TMZ:

The 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom house is currently going for $3,500 per night until May … after that, it skyrockets up to $6,500 per night.

According to the owner, the legendary duck phone is still in the house — as well as most of the couches, beds, tables and artwork that you saw on the show.

FYI — the owner did mention that the home received a thorough cleaning after Snooki, The Situation and the rest of the gang moved out.

I mean, wouldn’t getting into a fight with your girl/boyfriend on the duck phone be worth the $6500 alone? Oh, and that freaking hot tub! Come on bro!