The guy’s lawyer is saying as much. Says the Globe, “In the police report, the child is quoted as saying, “My mommy put it in my shoes and said it was candy.” Uh-huh. |Boston Globe|

Other National Things:

• A study shows that talking about climate change in a “gloom and doom” way might backfire with the public. So when you’re telling someone that the ocean levels are rising, and the animals are dying, just laugh and smile the whole time. |Wash Post|

• Maybe if we asked happy television artist Sarah Palin to talk about the dangers of climate change to disbelievers, they’d listen. She’s always smilin’. |NYDN|

• Send New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan a congrats card–he’s the new, “bearish, ruddy, blackslapper” president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. And he’s a total hit with the hardcore conservative set, so he should keep reproductive rights bloggers busy for a few years. |Religion News Service|

• Taco: It’s not just a food! It’s also an Internet plug-in that’s supposed to help you avoid being tracked by the cookies. |Privacy Lives|

• Six Congresspeople are under investigation for spending too many taxpayer dollars during overseas trips. They include Republican Rep. Joe “You LIE!” Wilson of South Carolina and Rep. Eliot Engel, Democrat of New York. |WSJ|

• Newt Gingrich is in Iowa, staring at cornfields and being a dick. |Gingrich Twitter|

Local things:

• Number 7 train to Secaucus? That almost makes up for the Concorde not running anymore. |WSJ|

• Rep. Anthony Weiner thinks Sybil might be the GOP candidate in 2012. She’s one of the Palin kids. |Weiner Tweets|

• Mayor Mike Bloomberg‘s spending the day with “one of NYC’s favorite superheroes” and wants you to guess who it is. It’s probably either Paul Sevigny or Chloe Sevigny. |Bloomberg Twitter|

• Some pugilistic guy loved working at UPS so much that he kept coming to work even after he got fired, and now UPS is suing him to keep him away. They don’t need volunteer weirdos, thanks. |NYDN|

• Put your old bed in a plastic bag before throwing it out there on the curb. Do it or you’ll pay! Pay $100! This all has to do with bedbugs. |NY1|

• New idea for a city program: Adopt-a-Bedbug.

• To become the deciduous forest that it is today, the city’s planted more than 400,000 trees under MillionTreesNYC. |NYC Mayor’s Office Twitter|

• Will former state senate leader Joe Bruno‘s conviction be overturned? Or will his conviction be overturned only so he can be convicted again? And will that conviction be overturned? |NYDN|

Surely you, in a recent time of quiet reflection, came to the sad realization that your life will never be complete until you attain an action figure in the likeness of the most blatantly retarded American congressional representative to ever defile the halls of Congress, Michele Bachmann. Well fret no more Sparky!

Luckily for you the heros at Herobuilders have made that Bachmann action figure you’ve waiting for, so, for a mere $34.95, now you’ll no longer be shamed by not owning a doll resembling the woman who makes Sarah Palin look positively MENSA. Now you can play house with your Bachmann figure spouting nonsense about census takers coming to sodomize your children, while the Joe Wilson figure screams “You lie!” at the Obama Joker figure, over and over and over again. You’re welcome! |Hero Builders|

The fine folks over at Herobuilders have heard the public screaming their insatiable demand for a talking Joe Wilson doll and have responded. For $39.95 this little guy comes nattily dressed for a joint session of Congress and is equipped with a shouty “you lie” audio track. What a great stocking stuffer for all the right-wing zealots in your family! Previously: Obama-Joker action figure.

As you’ve probably heard, the Republican that heckled President Obama during his address to Congress (and the rest of the world) was identified as Representative Joe Wilson from South Carolina. Shouting “You lie,” it didn’t take long for people to respond online and in keeping with the spirit of the internet, the congressman’s Wikipedia was altered to reflect current events:

“He is a douchebag that called the President of the United States a liar on national television and has no respect for the office he holds.”

He was also lambasted on Facebook and Twitter where he remains as the #1 trending topic—for being an asshole! And then there’s this website.

Video below: