First, here’s the aforementioned “apology”:

Now, with that horseshit out of the way, let’s commence with the reckless speculation! According to an email from our pal VH-1 reality star Tionna Smalls, who attended the VMAs, Kanye was boozing and taking frequent trips to the john during the show:

Kanye west was acting like a dick all night. He was in the aisle talking ish and smacking on his whore Amber Rose’s ass…he was even letting other people smack on it too. He was drinking from a bottle of alcohol and being a total jerk. It was real bad, Real bad Michael Jackson as he say. Getting up btw commercial breaks…my sources are true. I say put him on rehab watch because he is acting real coke headish.

MTV confirmed some of what Tionna told us on their website:

Prior to Sunday night’s show, West was captured by photographers on the red carpet swigging from a bottle of Hennessey. In multiple pictures West can be seen cradling the bottle as he and his girlfriend Amber Rose were snapped; he is also seen sharing the bottle with Pete Wentz, and in a different shot, West is standing near Joe Jackson, who is holding it. Following his rant against Swift, West returned to his seat and flipped off the audience, who began booing him, before he sat down.

Regardless if he was drunk or coked up out of his mind, it doesn’t make Kanye West any less of a fucking asshole desperately in need of a good, ole-fashioned ass-whipping. At the very least, if there’s any justice in the world, someone will rush the stage when Kanye wins an award and ruin his moment in the spotlight that he seems to love and crave so much.

Now let’s all sit back and watch Fox News exploit this whole thing to start a race war. I can just see the promos now…”Did the election of a black president embolden rapper Kanye West to publicly attack country star Taylor Swift?” Get ready. It’s coming.

Oh, and one last thing…the resulting internet memes are already making the rounds. Remember the time Kanye interrupted Obama’s speech to Congress?

Kanye/Joe Jackson pic via Twitpic

If you’re not watching the MTV Video Music Awards then you missed Kanye West pulling the biggest dick move in the history of dick moves by taking the microphone from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech to praise Beyonce for her video that didn’t win as “one of the greatest videos of all-time.” The staggering Twatzi (that’s “twat” + “nazi” by the way) then handed the microphone back to Taylor Swift, who appeared to be so shocked that she just stood there crying. I’ve never seen anything like it, and neither have you. Here’s the video:

The thought did occur to me that this whole thing might just be another of the many VMA pranks we’ve seen over the years, but this just seems too bizarre to be a hoax, and Kanye West is enough of an asshole to do something like this, so yeah, it all makes perfect sense.

Remember when Kanye, who’s scheduled to appear on the premiere of Jay Leno’s new dumb show Monday night, promised the world that he would reform his assholishness? Yeah, well, so much for that.

UPDATE: Beyonce won an award later in the show and called up Taylor Swift to deliver the acceptance speech she wasn’t able to give earlier.