Fresh off her stint at Gawker, Kari did some live reporting for DJ Mayonnaise Hands to kick off the city’s art fairs—there’s so many a map is needed—which not only reinforces my point, but also makes me think I should have made her signed an exclusivity agreement.

Kari Ferrell is so irrelevant. Why do you let her ruin your blog? She has nothing to say. I hate her. Please stop!… This is just a fraction of the banter I hear on the regular. She made an appearance on Gawker today and take a look at the numbers. Now, any questions?

Who says print journalism is dead? It’s not at the New York Post, which sent intrepid reporter Mandy Stadtmiller to spend a night with America’s first legalized male prostitute, “Markus.” Oh boy.

Yes, the Post flew Stadtmiller to Vegas with $500 cash for a session with the lazy-eyed, Asian symbol-tattooed ex-Marine, who just so happened to be homeless before he landed the “surrogate lover” gig at the Shady Lady brothel. Stadtmiller claims that she didn’t have sex with the “well-endowed” stud, but she totally got nekkid with him!

“So,” Markus says after leaning over and kissing my knee, “we’re going to get undressed and then take a shower. Then we can both inspect each other to make sure there are no discrepancies.”

Minutes later, as we’re standing naked in the shower, he’s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, cooing that I’m “practically” an 8 or a 9. “Everything looks great down there.”

Oh. My. God.

“You have a beautiful body,” he tells me. He kisses my back. “You even taste good,” he says. Then he brings out his little “trick box,” as he calls it, but such is his luck today, he can’t find the lubricant he says is crackerjack for making women climax.

Again, Stadtmiller insists that she did not do any sexing with the “prosti-dude,” but the trip did allow her to advertise the fact that her fun-box is as pretty as a kindergarten finger-painting! Or something. The whole piece reads like a Mandy Stadtmiller personal ad if you ask me, so fellas, if you’re interested, here’s her email addy: mstadtmiller@nypost.com

Personally, I think ANIMAL should have sent Kari Ferrell “deep cover” on this one. Perhaps I’m a bit biased, but I have a feeling the resulting story would’ve been much more interesting.

Shockingly, not everyone is happy about ANIMAL’s decision to bring Kari Ferrell into the fold, and a concerned reader wrote in to let us know how much she’s going to destroy everything and bankrupt the company. Worry not dear reader, all the company’s money is stowed away in a shoe box and protected by a beardless security guard, we’re safe…for now.

Also, the majority of you probably don’t want to read anything written by me anyway, so it really doesn’t matter. I may just end up talking about the theme from Full House and the Melchizedek Priesthood for days.

Can’t wait to hear you bitch,

Kari

Kari Farrell was released from her Salt Lake City jail cell early this morning, after serving six or so months for grifting people. An official confirmed that she’d been released. Soon, Farrell may be back in NYC filling her hallway with the hot dogs of many a bearded man once again. You’ve been warned!

Photo by Will Sherman/ANIMALnewyork

In her latest correspondence from the Salt Lake City Correctional Facility, Kari Ferrell covers a myriad of topics including details on her charming inmates, future employment opportunities, and her beef with ANIMAL for enlisting another minority—apparently she assumes Cajun Boy is a pygmy or something. She also submitted a surreal sketch that will either delight or frighten you.

Just because she’s stuck in a jail cell in Salt Lake City without access to a computer or the internet, doesn’t mean that the soon to be released Hipster Grifter aka Kari Ferrell can’t read your tweets and then respond in what is clearly the slowest @replies ever. At least they’re all “Jail Inspected.” Enjoy!

@JoannaAngel in response to this.

@bluebed in response to this.

@f0cus in response to this.

@grantwyeth in response to this.

@greenmelinda in response to this.

@MalenyTeresa in response to this.

@sarcasticmeow in response to this.

@YagoisAmazing in response to this.

A reader ignored TONY’s Halloween costume advice and dressed up like The Hipster Grifter. She sent photos and told us about the life-altering experience that resulted in bolstered self-esteem and multiple sex partners for the evening. Read her inspirational account below.

Hello, my name is [removed].  I am aware that you have been in close correspondence with the notorious K.F. while she has been serving her time in a Utah prison.  SO, I thought that you’d enjoy the fact that I dressed up as the ‘hipster grifter’ for Halloween.  I’m sure that several other cutesy little hipster girls in Williamsburg thought that it would be the best costume idea ever (but I bet I thought of it first!).  However, I feel my story is different.  Halloween night was a night to forget and then remember it the next morning after looking at pictures on my camera.  That night, I transformed myself into the hipster grifter and embodied everything that she stands for.  Let’s just say, I had a couple of hot dogs thrown down my hallway that night on separate occasions. [Name removed] doesn’t nearly get that much tail in a standard weekend, but when I became Kari Farrell for the night, everything changed.  Maybe I’m writing this because in a way I want to thank her for inspiring me.  Then I realize what she did was really fucked up so I’m thanking her for fucking up.  Either way, it was probably the best Halloween costume I’ve come up with (okay besides Bruce Lee, which enabled me to use 1 wig for the price of 2 costumes).  I’m attaching a couple of pictures for photographic proof of my endeavor.  I will warn you, though, the tattoo is not nearly as good as the real thing, but I made do with the temporary tattoos at the dollar store.  As for the I <3 *beards* tattoo, the placement is not 100% accurate due to costume restraints.  I hope you find them amusing.

I am planning on writing Kari a letter myself with photos attached.  But I do find it slightly intimidating because I’m sending pictures of myself to the person I am dressed up as.  Then again, she is somewhat of an internet celebrity, and I’m sure she’s going to milk it when she gets out of jail. Lucky.

Enjoy the photos, and let me know what you think!

We know she’s not the only one. Send us your photos!