Tag: Minimalist Film Reviews
Lovelace (2013) There is this ancient celluloid scroll DEEPTHROAT w/LINDA LOVELACE w/clitoris not where clitorisies go, feat. many fellatios & v popular some half-century ago, important #censorship etc. But Linda’s story is #SAD so ☆ ENTER HOLLYWOOD ☆ Amanda Seyfried as “girl next door” HAHA James Franco as Hugh Hefner BAHAHAHA… but story SAD, so a […]
Elysium (2013) Earth’s one FUCKED giant diseased crime ridden favela. Also, Matt Damon. Rich people R neverever sick cuz they have .:☆*. magic sarcophagiiiii oOooOoo. :☆*:. in a mega-condo in the sky. Things are SO FUCKED. Orphan-to-gangsta-gone-straight goes up there all like POW ZAP ZAP KRRR for personal reasons but now to save the world… because bildungsroman THANKS […]
The Canyons (2013) STFU I WAITED FOR OVER A YEAR FOR THIS *breathe breathe* So, Bret At Do Bring Coke Easton Ellis wrote this script @ y he hates LA, TWINSIES! Lindsay’s back <3 +Male porn star. #hype. Meta-actor-director-drama stuff. It’s good STFU but if you’ve never had awkward group sex or been stalked by a […]
Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer (2013) These women are in a prison labor colony because they danced in a church for a few seconds and made YouTube video with a punk song about the president how many times do you I have to tell you this story seriously it’s so important why haven’t you watched […]
Computer Chess (2013) Andrew Bujalski mumblecored again, into an ’80s tournament between the newest chess-playing computer terminals. Hotel o’ Geeks. ADVENTURES! “Have you ever taken LSD?” Smart, so smart. Surrealism. Or is it? If you like chess, programming or thinking, see this film. If you like film, see this film. If you film, see this […]
Pacific Rim (2013) BBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMM. Glurgh glurgh GLURGH GLURGH GLURGH GROOOOARGH!!!! Big monster, ugly. Much city fall down. CRASH. KABLOW, KAKAKABLOW. More, bigger monsters destroy questionable futuristic metropolises. Giant robots and shit, with people inside. Dramatic score. DRAMTIC-ER SCORE!!! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. Yey. SCIENCE: 1.5 out of 5 An inter-dimensional asshole rips open at the bottom […]
The Bling Ring (2013) OMFG TMZ MOVIE ROFL! Think of Sofia Coppola next time you hear currently popular pop song. So, like, very rich teenagers break into houses of like, very, very rich people and steal their [insert luxury brand name here] jewelry and [insert couture brand name here] clothes, then parade the scintillating pilfered plumage in club until […]
This Is the End (2013) Mainstream comedy movie, funny. All the celebrities! Playing “themselves.” Seth Rogen & Jay Baruchel (who?) at James Franco’s house party; THE APOCALYPSE AND SHIT. Meta-commentary on the frivolous conceptual currency of celebrity. Survivalist slapstick. Hollywood big budgetry. Rihanna is hot. Smoke weed. THE FRANCO OVERLOAD FACTOR: 2.5 out of 5 Much Franco! “Franco, […]
