ANIMAL » NEW YORK TIMES

Rats Intercepting Holiday Packages

Bucky Turco — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 15:22:03 +0000

When several employees at the New York Times received “holiday goodies” in packages that looked like they had been tampered with, the paper did some investigating and found out they had… by rodents. A post office employee who worked at the facility where the parcels were sorted admitted they have a rat problem, especially during the holidays. Nasty! (Photo: Richard Perry/New York Times)

Forget About Cycling or Walking Around Lush Landscapes, Drive Instead

Bucky Turco — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 19:08:40 +0000

That’s what a New York Times reporter seems to suggest in a bizarre article about the “guilty pleasure” of driving a car through Central Park. Several drivers who were interviewed agreed and said it’s a lot nicer than the chaos found on city streets. No shit! It’s a park! Does that mean we should lay down some asphalt along the beachfront at Coney Island or set up a HOV lane in the wetlands surrounding Jamaica Bay? It’s too bad we didn’t have rainforests in NYC, just imagine how fun those would be to motor through.

Ghetto Golf Anyone?

Bucky Turco — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:00:11 +0000

After spotting a real life hobo earlier this week, the New York Times continues its foray into the reportage of activities not traditionally enjoyed by the paper’s readership and for this latest installment discovered a “poor man’s golf range.” No pricey memberships or advanced bookings are necessary, just a body of water, some used golf balls, “trash picked” clubs, and most importantly, “a fifth of Bacardi rum and some pineapple juice.” Now this is a sport I can appreciate.

‘Gray Lady’ Stomps Out Tumblr Blog

Bucky Turco — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:37:27 +0000

Jonathan Paul, the New York Times’ former web editor, reports that he scrubbed all the content from his Ten Ones Tumblr at the “urging” of the paper’s lawyers. Started last summer, the blog showcased the visual side of the news-making business and featured photos, illustrations, and other eye candy created by Times staff. All the images were credited, linked and widely reblogged, but apparently that didn’t satisfy the legal department, which can only mean one thing: The paywall is imminent.

New York Times’ Snow Survival Guide

Bucky Turco — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 15:09:13 +0000

During the wintertime, it snows. That snow then piles up and must be shoveled. But how does one do manual labor without getting hurt? Thankfully, the New York Times tackles this dilemma with some expert advice for its readership:

Bend from your knees, not your back; don’t overload the shovel; remember that wet snow is heavier than the fluffy kind; shovel in short intervals and rest in between; and don’t twist.

Observe the handy illustration just in case you didn’t get all that.

How to Protect Yourself From Falling Ice

Lauri Apple — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 15:45:54 +0000

The New York Times reports today that ice has been falling from buildings, tree branches, signs, and other objects lately. The recent snowstorms seem to have something to do with this phenomenon, which is a totally new thing.

Four reporters worked on this story, by the way, and they didn’t even provide any helpful hints on how to save your life from falling ice chunks. That’s not responsible journalism. So here’s where we come in:

Wear a hard hat. Glue little diamonds on it to add fashion flair.
Mold a hat out of concrete and wear that. Attach a visor made of steel or heavy plastic to keep ice chunks from falling into your eyes.
Carry a card table on your head. When you get tired, you can set up the table and invite strangers to chat with you or play poker and other games. You should set up the table in the street, though, to avoid the ice falling from skyscrapers.
Don’t leave the house. But how will you know if the ice is melted, if you don’t leave the house? Hm, I don’t know. Maybe you should never leave the house again.
Chant “ice don’t fall on me” while you walk. The ice will hear you and (probably) obey.
If you have long hair, use resin or some other molding/stiffening agent to mold your hair into a hardened “hair roof.” Make sure to mold the bangs forward to create an awning.
Wear one of these. It doesn’t have to be a Canada umbrella hat–you can pick your favorite country and wear its umbrella hat instead. Mine says “Paraguay.”

(Image: Bryant Park Fountain, Flickrofamoment)

Suspending Kids Is Easier Than Teaching Them

Lauri Apple — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 04:15:28 +0000

New York City public schools suspend twice as many students as they did in 2005, because suspension has become the fashionable disciplinary method. The upshot: it’s a lot easier to deal with schoolkids when they’re not in class chewing their Hubba Bubba and yelling crazy stuff at each other. Almost makes you wonder why we even bother having schools in the first place.

The downside of zero-tolerance suspension policies is that the kids don’t spend their days in school learning things, which doesn’t help our economy very much. Or does it? Given that suspensions are lengthening, they probably help a lot of the city’s arcades and pizza places stay in business:

Of roughly 74,000 suspensions given out in the 2008-9 school year, about 11,000 lasted one to five days, while 5,500 ran anywhere from 30 days to one year, the analysis shows. There were roughly 32,000 suspensions in 2002, and the vast majority of them lasted five days or less.

Have you ever been suspended? I was a goody-goody in school, so I never did. But it sounds kind of fun? Because then you don’t have to go to school, which is no fun.

(Photo: mujitra.)

New York Times Suing the NYPD

Bucky Turco — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:00:50 +0000

The NYPD has no problem videotaping protesters at every demonstration, keeping databases on innocent people and potentially scanning the irises of suspects arrested regardless of the crime, but when it comes to legal requests for information from the New York Times, they go on the defensive. According to the paper, several of their queries have gone unanswered and so they filed a lawsuit in State Supreme Court demanding that the police agency adhere to the State Freedom of Information Law.

Less People Ride Bikes When It’s Cold Reports the Paper of Record

Bucky Turco — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 22:12:33 +0000

The usually level headed New York Times channeled a tabloid mentality in a groundbreaking article about the Columbus Avenue bike lane and discovered the following: not many people are using it… on the two occasions they sent someone to observe it. The paper did acknowledge the freezing December weather, but attempted to balance that off by saying they dispatched someone in November as well. Perhaps they should revisit in the spring and summer?

Actors Acting Sooo Hard

Marina Galperina — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 23:56:14 +0000

NYT presents: 14 celebrity actors !ACTING! as “classic screen types,” i.e. more overpriced ham than a Dean & DeLuca butcher display. Below, see a few of the 60-sec clips in the slickest of black and white from a fancy Hollywood team with a Prague orchestra and everything.

Natalie Portman’s dramatic, anti-climatic, cringe-tastic striptease:

Mark Zuckerberg Jesse Eisenberg’s meek assassination wherein they slow down the film as the bullets fly just to swing their big throbbing budget around:

This is Bad-Ass! Chloë Moretz hitting puberty.

Here’s more excessive emoting to the extreeeme.