No offense to the stars’ dismembered pretty parts, but no, thank you. Even if you stick that mishmash mosaic mug on top of Penelope Cruz’s awesome body, no. This just isn’t reasonable. Let’s assume a disclaimer is implied and some Ms. Moneybags somewhere isn’t considering to nip-and-tuck maul ‘n’ scalp herself according to this trendy menu, ghegh.

In the first story, a brand bullshitting consultant is suing his ex-girlfriend for allegedly removing all his stuff from his apartment–including his two dogs–and getting his cat euthanized while he was in Hawaii working with popular American recording artist Kanye West (also known as “‘Ye”). The ex-gf reportedly went ahead and stored some of the dude’s stuff in New Jersey, and also sent his dogs (including one that he rescued from a Hungarian hooker, which is somehow important to the story) to Washington state. She’s also suing him, for slander. The ex-gf didn’t give any comments to the Post, which might be why the paper’s on the guy’s side.

In the other case, a woman from New Jersey is suing McSorley’s Old Ale House in the East Village claiming the bar’s cat seriously injured her in October 2009. The bar owner doesn’t remember any of this happening. Neither the woman nor her lawyer provided a comment to the Post, which might be why the paper’s on the bar’s side.

What can we learn from these two tragedies? Three things:

1. Don’t date anybody.
2. Don’t let people from New Jersey drink at your ale house.
3. We need to start teaching cats how to talk, so they can put humans in their place when needed.

This cat wasn’t involved in either story–it’s just a neat-looking cat. Kind of resembles David Bowie during his Aladdin Sane period. (Photo: Ihasb33r/flickr)

Someone in the US Marshals Service leaked the above video of a pissed of con attacking a federal female prosecutor—he was facing two life sentences for drug dealing. The clip was making its rounds on YouTube, but the Feds requested it be taken down. Thankfully, for the sake of newsworthiness, the Post decided to host it on their site. And while no one expects a judge to get involved in any courtroom melee, is it common protocol to run like a bitch at the sight of any incident? |NYP|

Queens North had an 84 percent spike, from 904 complaints to 1,662, and arrests went up 11 percent, from 615 to 680. In Queens South, complaints climbed 80 percent, to 864, and arrests were up 17 percent, to 259.

This could be bad news for the city councilman who’s trying to take a stab at being Queen’s borough president in ’09. If he can’t even take care of some paint splatters, who’s going to trust him to run things.

Here it is, in no particular order:
NY Post
Name: Richard Johnson
Phone: 212 930 8621
Fax: 212 930 8280
Email: rjohnson@nypost.com
Pitch tips: Monday – Friday
Preferred order: Phone
He oversees Page Six, a daily column that has been referred to by Arena magazine as a column that can “launch a bestseller, break a contract, fill a restaurant – even end a marriage.” The main thing to get coverage is to have a good story. If it takes more then 10 seconds to explain, forget it. It should involve a business, political, religious, criminal, or entertainment celebrity, not necessarily in NY. He likes to hear about titans of industry and top level businessman as well as on pop stars. If you are a regular reader of the column, you will notice there is a mix of subject matter and that the items have a plot. One of his favorite items was one about a tattoo of former Secretary of State George Shultz. It must exclusive and either funny, naughty, odd, a second act or closely tied to the headline news of the day. Most of the items he runs involve either sex, money or violence.
NY Post
Name: Keith Kelly
Phone: 212 930 8702
Fax: 212 930 8280
Email: kkelly@nypost.com
Pitch tips: Monday –Friday, 10am – 6pm.
Preferred order: email, fax, phone, mail
Do no EVER call him at 5:30 to just shoot the breeze. That is when he is on deadline. It’s imperative that he receives story pitches before a regular story meeting at 12:30pm. Phone calls are allowed for breaking news, but all other pitches need to be directed to him by e-mail. Use common sense when it comes to deciding on whether something is breaking news. Accepting responsibility for a scandal, switching CEO’s or signing a hot author are all acceptable examples of breaking news. In other words, know what he covers. A new advertising representative in Michigan is not. His column is driven by exclusives revolving around personalities in magazine and book publishing. He is not as interested in the publishing business as he is in the controversies and egos involved. He is also not interested in quarterly business reports or trade-interest information. Give him gossip about competitors, news of impending shake-ups and hints of editorial movements. Tell him about the stuff that doesn’t involve a client, because that will help build a relationship with him. The worse thing a PR person can do is avoid him when your client gets into a bad situation. Trying to dissuade him will only turn him onto the story more. Please do not waste his time with lunch meetings with your client where he is nothing but an “audience of one.”
Bio: He has been ratting out his fellow reporters as a Media Business Reporter with the NYP since 1998. Before that, he worked at rival NYDN, Advertising Age, and Folio: First Day. He started as a media reporter in 1988 with Magazine Week as New York Editor and the moved on to become Editorial Director. He was also a freelance writer for O’Dwyers and a Police Reporter for some weekly papers in Suffolk County, New York.
New York Post
Name: Tim Arango
Phone: 212 930 8271
Fax: 212 930 9290
Email: tarango@nypost.com
Pitch tips: He covers media business, focusing on the music industry and big media conglomerates. Contact him by phone or email. Pitches must be business-related for him to consider. He is interested in topics such as media personalities, movie studios, celebrity contracts and record deals. Ant news affecting the broad media sector is of interest to him. He would like to hear about programming-related information about cable companies, the downturn in the music industry, piracy and trends in the consolidations of media conglomerates. PR pros should build editorial rapport to develop a long term relationship with him. Be familiar with the types of stories he writes.
Bio: He jointed the NYP as a media business reporter in October 2002 and has since broken stories about Def Jam and Disney. He previously worked at TheStreet.com covering retail business before joining the Post.
New York Times
Name: David Carr
Phone: 212 556 3629
Fax: 212 556 1626
Email: carr@nytimes.com
Pitching tips: Preferred order: email
He covers magazines, media business and publishing. His magazine coverage is primarily concentrated on highly circulated consumer publications. He would prefer all contact be via e-mail.
Bio: He jointed the Times in 2002. He previously worked as a media editor at Inside.com, Senior editor at Brill’s Content, EIC of Folio and a reporter at Adweek and Mediaweek. He was also the ‘Off the Record” media columnist for the New York Observer.
Daily News
Name: Mr. Paul Colford
Phone: 212 210 6359
Fax: 212 643 7826
Email: pcolford@edit.nydailynews.com
Pitch tips: His column is news oriented and less gossipy than other media news columns in NY.
Bio: He jointed the Daily News as “Hot Copy” columnist and media reporter in 2000, after more then 20 years at Newsday as feature write and media columnist and a shorter stint at New York Newsday. He freelanced for the NYT and while in college and covered NJ for the paper when he graduated in the mid-70’s. He is the author of “The Rush Limbaugh Story: Talent on Loan From God, an “Unauthorized Biography: and “the King of all Media: The Unauthorized Biography of Howard Stern.”
Daily News
Name: Lloyd Grove
Phone: 212 210 1647
Fax: 212 643 7832
Email: lgove@edit.nydailynews.com
Bio: He joined the NYDN in 2003. Before that, he wrote the “Reliable Source: gossip column in the Styles section of the Washington Post. He worked at the Post from 1980 – 2003, working as a features writer, theater critic, campaign reporter, and style reporter before becoming the Gossip columnist in 1997. He also worked as Corpus Christi Caller-Times and the Dallas Morning News.
Daily News
Name: Joanna Molloy
Phone: 212 210 2374
Fax: 212 643 1637
Email: jmolloy@edit.nydailynews.com
Pitch tips: Monday-Friday 11am – 8pmhttp://www.animalnewyork.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt.cgi#
Preferred order: phone, e-mail, fax, mail
During the hours of 4pm and 7pm EST phone pitches are not ideal, she is on deadline.
Bio: She jointed the Daily News in 1993 and covered the night police beat before writing the celebrities column. She previously worked at the NYP.
Advertising Age
Name: Claire Atkinson
Phone: 212 210 0169
Fax: 212 210 0200
Email: catkinson@crain.com
Pitch tips: In addition to her work reporting for this publication, Claire also contributes to the online extension of Advertising Age, Madison & Vine. Here she reports on Advertising agencies and the PR field in general. Establish a relationship with her to get further. She wants to have a rapport with the PR contacts she uses and needs there to be a balance of give and take. She tends to work closer to those PR pros who have enough contacts to pass on good gossip and not just a plain press release. Also, please don’t set up group conference with her. If an interview is set up it should be one on one and exclusive. Conference calls beget confusion from too many people talking and are impersonal. She also ask the pitches to be idea-focused. Do not pitch clients. She instead needs to know why readers would be interested in what you are pitching and how they would benefit from knowing about the information. She stands firm on what she is looking for and what she will write about. Angry and/or persistent phone calls and emails will not help the situation.
Bio: Prior to taking her current position as reporter for Advertising Age in December 2002, Claire was a freelancer for 3 years in the UK, writing for the UK edition of Entertainment Weekly, The Express, The Independent, and the Observer, among others. Before that, she was an associated editor in London for UK’s edition of Mediaweek.
Good Morning America
Name: Mark Bracco
Phone: 212 456 5988
Fax: 212 456 5962
Email: mark.bracco@abc.com
Pitch tips: Preferred order: e-mail.
He looks for unique stories and ideas. If it has good visuals and is off the beaten track of ideas he might go for it. Celebrities, motion pictures and pop culture topics are all under his jurisdiction. Music topics from the worlds of rock, pop, classical, country, and opera are also welcome as performers. It’s important to help them set up your idea or guest as the process evolves as opposed to just dropping something in their lap. They take their time when evaluating pitches so don’t harass them with phone calls or queries after you do your initial suggestions. E-mail is the preferred method of contact. The lead-time can be extensive so get an early jump.

Media Industry Newsletter
Name: Steven Cohn
Phone: 212 621 4874
Fax: 212 621 4879
Email: scohn@pbimedia.com
Pitch tips: Monday-Friday 8am-6pm
Preferred order: phone, email, fax, mail.
Keep him informed of developments at consumer magazines and other media, if related. Have a ‘hook’ that will make him bite. Queries should be targeted especially for their readers. Please just provide the facts.
Bio: Steven became editor of MIN in June 1986, and was promoted to EIC in September 1998. From 1983-1986, he served as managing editor of Optometric Management.
Mediaweek
Name: Lisa Granatstein
Phone: 646 654 5257
Fax: 646 654 5368
Email: lgranatstein@mediaweek.com
Pitch tips: Monday-Friday 9am-6pm
Lisa is interested in issues that concern magazine publishing industry, particularly affecting large companies like Time Inc., Conde Nast, Hearst and Gruner + Jahr. Remember that she covers consumer magazine publishing with a focus on advertising. Do NOT pitch her anything outside this realm. Its also important to note that she is looking for SIGNIFICANT changes as t a magazine. When leaving her voicemails, keep it short. Any story should be pitchable in 30 seconds or less. Also, do NOT follow up an email with an immediate phone call. She will call is she’s interested in a story.
The Washington Post
Name: Howard Kurtz
Phone: 202 334 7420
Email: kurtzh@washpost.com
Bio: He’s been with the Washington Post since 1981 and has covered the media since 1990. He broke the story about NYT reporter Jayson Blair. He previously covered Urban Affairs, the Justice Department, and Capitol Hill and was the NY Bureau chief. He also worked for the Washington Star. His recent book, “Hot Air: All Talk, All the Time,” chronicled the explosion of talk-shows on television and radio. His writing has appeared in The New Republic, Washington Monthly, and NY magazine. He’s also served as a co-host of CNN’s “Reliable Sources.”
Volume 2 to come soon!

3rd Ave. right before 52nd St. intersection
Shame on Matt Long and his mom. He is the firefighter that was struck by a bus during the transit strike last year on his way to his firehouse on Randall’s Island. He was recently let out of the hospital after 15 surgeries and months of rehabilitation. Mr. Long got a hero’s welcome, a press conference, and a Triumphant headline, you would have thought he was a returning soldier or something. C’mon journos, there are two sides to every story. What a disgrace.
Instead of railing against the Transit Union and blaming his accident on the strike, Matt should be discussing just how dangerous the streets of NYC are when it comes to cycling, especially if like him, you’re not used to riding on the city streets. Ironically, the streets were way more safe for cyclists during the strike with all the carpool restrictions and emergency lanes then riding during normal conditions. Plus with it being 5:38am when he got hit, the roads would have been extra deserted.

Close-up of ruts and scars near intersection 3rd Ave. and 52nd St.
Matt Long should be blaming himself for being a rookie at riding in the city. He admits that he usually takes his car to work so he was clearly not qualified to ride NYC’s infamous streets. Not to mention, the intersection at 3rd Avenue and 52nd street actually has some rough patches, a few dangerous ruts, some very uneven scars and depressions, and most importantly, NO BIKE LANE. How was that not mentioned once? There are even conflicting reports as to whether or not Matt hit the bus or it hit him and yet he becomes a symbol of what went wrong during the strike?

Delivery guy on 3rd Ave. approaching 52nd St.
Could you imagine package jockeys (my new term of endearment for bike messengers) or food delivery guys getting hero’s welcomes cause they got hit by a bus and were getting out of the hospital. That kind of shit happens to them everyday and they don’t expect or receive special privileges, press conferences, or words of condolences from the Mayor of NYC and the Governor.

Close-up of more ruts and scars near intersection 3rd Ave. and 52nd St.
Matt should consider himself lucky, this year alone “some 3200 cyclists” were hit on the streets of NYC, and the strike had nothing to do with it. Stop blaming Roger. Matt, wheelchair or not, look in the mirror. You may be tuff enough to run into a burning building, but you certainly will get your ass burned when it comes to riding the streets of NYC, strike or not!