ANIMAL » Taliban

No Taliban Tumblr?

Bucky Turco — Thu, 12 May 2011 14:48:36 +0000

The Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, better know by their street name the Taliban, have officially joined Twitter (@alemarahweb) and are posting jihadi updates 140 characters at a time. As reported by the Guardian, a majority of tweets have been in Pashtu, but there’s some in English as well—no need to alienate a potential demographic. They also have a Facebook and a website, however, we warn you now, their movie section sucks.

Taliban Impostor is Ballsiest Man Alive

Bucky Turco — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 21:00:52 +0000

A man claiming to be a Taliban leader duped both the United States and Afghanistan in a peace deal scam reports the New York Times. He convinced officials that he was brokering a truce of sorts with a senior Taliban commander, even managing to get whisked in on a NATO plane under protection of a security detail for a meeting with Hamid Karzai at the presidential palace. A diplomat involved with the talks explains the tragic comedy rather matter-of-factly: “It’s not him. And we gave him a lot of money.”

Republicans Are So Weird, and Other Breaking News

Lauri Apple — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 16:33:48 +0000

Dynamic Florida Congressman-elect Allen West, who had to resign from the Army after he threatened to kill an Iraqi, hired a radio host lady who shared his habit of promoting “violent insurrection” to be his chief of staff. But she’s gone all martyr and said no. It’s too bad, because they sound perfect for each other. The job probably would have cramped her style. |Think Progress|

Other National Stories:

Lloyd Schofield of San Francisco, Cal. wants to ban circumcision in his city, which bans everything except nostalgia and annoying people. He also wants to make the penis-altering practice punishable by a year in prison and fines. Glad somebody’s on this issue. |NBC|

Columnist/Eliot Spitzer work-buddy Kathleen Parker is bragging about how she got people to rag on Sarah Palin. She’s an anti-feminist. |Newsbusters|

The Washington Post wants your political book reviews for publication on their blog. There is no mention of compensation! |Washington Post|

Before you go out tomorrow, make sure to watch P.J. O’Rourke talk about his political views on the Internet. That way, you’ll have something to talk about with the person you’re trying to score with. |Book TV|

Joe Miller tried to get misspelled ballots disqualified from the final count, but a judge said, “no way, Jose.” |Politics Daily|

Miller’s got a hot-line now for voter fraud. Call it and see if you get him on the line, in-person! Then tell him to shave his weird beard. Do this for me. |Joe Miller campaign|

Senator Kirsten Gillibrand met with President Hamid Karzai and asked him to protect the rights of women in Afghanistan from the Taliban and not let Carl Paladino call them “Little Girl.” |WCAX|

Local:

Mayor Mike Bloomberg went to the Veteran’s Day parade and held a little flag that contained no salt, nicotine, trans fats, high-fructose corn syrup, or devils. |City twitter|

Council member Ydanis Rodriguez (D-Washington Heights) is sponsoring a bill that would allow you to park on the restricted side of a street as soon as a street has been cleaned, without having to wait. Supposedly under the current system, people have to circle around and around while the streets are being cleaned, so they don’t get tickets. This problem would end! But seriously, you shouldn’t drive anyway. |Queens Chronicle|

Republican Anthony Como called up state Sen. Joe Addabbo (D-Howard Beach) and conceded that he lost their election. Now they both have CLOSURE. |Queens Chronicle|

The Bush Fetus-in-a-Jar’s Whereabouts, and Other Topics

Lauri Apple — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 15:00:48 +0000

Ooh, a new feature: A list of newsy political bits to share and discuss with your friends, coworkers and the drug dealers on your front stoop. They’ll love appreciate you so much more, when you pass down the gift of ephemeral knowledge. Let’s begin!

Everybody’s talking about George W. Bush‘s fetus-jar sibling. But the follow-up question people should be asking is, “where is the fetus now?” Does Barbara Bush bring it out during family get-togethers and set a place for it at the table? |Huffington Post|
Bush’s successor to the Throne de Tejas, Rick Perry, lied to columnist Dana Milbank about “salt police.” |Washington Post|
House Dems are squabbling about who will be the minority whip. Steny Hoyer of Maryland has been the majority leader since 2006, but now that current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is eying that job, Hoyer is planning on moving on down a seat. (Always give up your seat for a lady.) But South Carolinian Jim Clyburn wants to be the whip too, because he just wants to be a somebody. They should all settle the matter by way of a pie-eating contest. |WSJ|
Speaking of Palmetto state luminaries, O.G. Soulmate Mark Sanford is almost hiking the Appalachian trail for real. |Washington Post|
“Dear U.S. Congress, you can’t win. LOL. —Sincerely, The Taliban Family.” |Fox|
Friend of the courts Joe Francis got married. This means you still have a chance. |ONTD|
Tea Partying House Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) wants to be the House Republican Conference chair. Sure, whatever. But don’t put her in charge of copy-editing, because she can’t tell the difference between “principals” and “principles.” |Bachmann website|
The Republicans will use redistricting to screw up the country forever. |USA Today|
Speaking of forever, that’s how long Americans will be unemployed, says Paul Volcker, in so many words. |Huffington Post|
People want to get rid of GOP Chair Michael Steele so bad, but nobody knows who would replace him. Once again, pie-eating contest to the rescue. |Daily Caller|
Would-be senator of beards Joe Miller hasn’t given up on that seat yet, because he heard this song on the radio recently. It inspired him, just like it did the first time he heard it. |USA Today|
Glenn Beck says leftists are planning a violent government overthrow, so board up your windows and stock up on canned goods. Bonus: Watch Beck watch himself on television. Bonus-plus: He also releases some sort of countdown thing. |MMFA|
“Dirty bomb[s] might not be that bad.” So stop worrying about them before you scare the kids. |Defense Tech|

(Photo: istolethetv/flickr)

Taxi Driver Plays Taliban With Passengers

Bucky Turco — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:21:36 +0000

A gay couple claims they were told to get out of a yellow cab after they embraced in the back seat, allegedly incensing the driver. According to one of the men, the cabby told them: “You guys have to get out of the taxi! Hugging is not allowed in here!” |NYP|

Afghanis Are Starving Without Their Opium

Bucky Turco — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:57:47 +0000

As the powers that be continue to blame the Taliban for the global supply of heroin despite being hunted by NATO troops and Predator drones daily, the Afghan government has called for a countrywide ban on opium. So far, its produced mostly disastrous results for local economies and farmers, with many families unable to even afford bubble gum for their kids. One good crop used to cover expenses for a year, but now they’re flat broke, just like Americans! But it gets worse. There’s also evidence that this aggressive prohibition it’s totally leading to a backlash against the government and could stoke terrorist recruiting. |AP|