Shockingly, not everyone is happy about ANIMAL’s decision to bring Kari Ferrell into the fold, and a concerned reader wrote in to let us know how much she’s going to destroy everything and bankrupt the company. Worry not dear reader, all the company’s money is stowed away in a shoe box and protected by a beardless security guard, we’re safe…for now.

In her latest correspondence from the Salt Lake City Correctional Facility, Kari Ferrell covers a myriad of topics including details on her charming inmates, future employment opportunities, and her beef with ANIMAL for enlisting another minority—apparently she assumes Cajun Boy is a pygmy or something. She also submitted a surreal sketch that will either delight or frighten you.

Just because she’s stuck in a jail cell in Salt Lake City without access to a computer or the internet, doesn’t mean that the soon to be released Hipster Grifter aka Kari Ferrell can’t read your tweets and then respond in what is clearly the slowest @replies ever. At least they’re all “Jail Inspected.” Enjoy!

@JoannaAngel in response to this.

@bluebed in response to this.

@f0cus in response to this.

@grantwyeth in response to this.

@greenmelinda in response to this.

@MalenyTeresa in response to this.

@sarcasticmeow in response to this.

@YagoisAmazing in response to this.

Kari has now bumped her status up to the best California ‘Speed’ player on this Earth. Also Kari could WITHOUT FAIL, even without looking make ANYTHING in our garbage can EVERY SINGLE TIME. This is no joke… She is really living up the Korean Abdul Jabaar nickname. Sometime I would wake up in the middle of the night and Kari would be standing on the table naked saying “this is the C train transfer to the Q…” or some other subway jargon. Didn’t make much sense to me considering I am from SL,UT. There was a phase where Kari spoke in a British accent for 4 whole days… All the new girls actually believed she was from England.She did do a drawing for me but it wasn’t finished when I left (it was quite unexpected) so she has to mail it for me. She actually wrote a song for me too- but that isn’t finished either… I don’t know how to function with out her… I will just have to watch some Asian porn to get me by till she is out!

Well, you better enjoy these letters from The Hipster Grifter while you can, because according to Kari Ferrell, she could be out of the slammer and back on the streets of New York City real soon! In her latest correspondence, she talks about the possibility of obtaining freedom, riding bikes, and more press opportunities. Plus she sent a bonus photo.

Here she is as a smiling 4-year-old. As for those other photos she mentions in the letter, rest assured I tried, the password didn’t work. Also, if you’re going to write her, first read the rules here, she mentioned some of the mail getting returned.

There’s a growing conspiracy to delete The Hipster Grifter from the annals of Wikipedia and it’s happening in real time. Kari Ferrell’s entry currently displays an ominous warning threatening the worst punishment possible: deletion. It specifically says:

This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Wikipedia’s deletion policy.Please share your thoughts on the matter at this article’s entry on the Articles for deletion page.

But what is her entry guilty of? According to a some Wiki users, there’s not enough credible sources for this mostly internet phenomenon. Really? You mean this, this, this, this, this, and this doesn’t count? However, not everyone is ready to just erase her and others have taken to her defense. Watch the ongoing battle between the Keeps and Deletes here. Collective revisionist history in action!

“Throw Your Hot Dog Down My Halloween,” Marker on vellum, 9×12 inches

Meet Jerzy Mitchell. She is Kari Ferrell’s cellmate and is also looking for some pen pals. The convict, in her early 20s, wrote a letter describing jailhouse living and spending most of her waking time with the notorious internet sensation—by her count she’s tallied over 1500 hours already. Mitchell also tells us about her DIY makeup, the fun in watching other inmates getting busted for drugs, and Kari’s sock therapy. You can’t make this crap up:

Feeling inspired? Write this girl:

Jerzy Mitchell/SO# 287154
Salt Lake City County Correctional Facility
3415 S. 900 W.
Salt Lake City, UT 84119

P.S. Make sure you follow the rules!