Chill, breeders. This doll is only available via Mattel’s website, meaning if your little babies are old enough to use the internet, they’re old enough to deal with “Barbies with tattoos all over” and little leopard tights and mini-skirts or what not. Moreover, unlike the “controversial” Totally Stylin’ Barbie of 2009 which came with stick-on tattoos, this chick’s tats are permanent. Like in real life! It’s educational. (Barbie n00dz: Twisty and Shelly S)

A public school in Philadelphia has been sued by the parents of a student recently disciplined by the school. The reason for the discipline and subsequent lawsuit? The school issues laptops to all students and apparently it’s been using the webcams to monitor the students away from school, like, AT HOME.

The kid who was disciplined was a tenth grade boy they accused of “inappropriate behavior” in his home, an incident that they witnessed while watching him on the webcam. Even better, they didn’t tell any of the students or their parents that they’d be doing this sort of thing, or that they even had the ability to do it. We don’t even want to know what sort of “inappropriate behavior” the teenage boy was engaged in, but we have a few guesses. |PopFi|

“All of a sudden a freaking zebra comes running down the street like a car. Five or six police cars were in hot pursuit. And a bunch of officers on foot. But then I got scared, thinking … what else is loose?”

Sometimes it’s just best to just get out of the way and leave a vehicle stalled on the train tracks on the train tracks. This dude in Argentina tried to be a nice guy by jumping off his motorbike to help push a white van out of the way and nearly got blasted by the coming train. LET. IT. GO.

Let me throw out a scenario for you…Let’s say you’re a teenage girl being robbed and beaten up by four teenagers while numerous security guards are standing just a few feet away, you’d probably assume that the rent-a-cops would do something to try to stop it, right?

I think most of us would. However, rent-a-cops are apparently not supposed to offer help. Instead, they’re supposed to just call the real police and step out of the way, at least in Seattle, which is where this exact instance took place.

Reports the Daily News:

“I went to the security and told them that these kids were trying to jump me,” the girl said. “I know that I am about to get jumped and I am hanging around the guards to try and get protection. … I thought the security guards would defend me.”

The guards didn’t intervene, though. They have standing orders to “observe and report,” so they called police but did nothing else as another 15-year-old girl punched and repeatedly kicked the victim in the head.

Why don’t they just hire bouncers instead? Those guys don’t hesitate to break up a fight/robbery/rape. What a fucking joke. Here’s video of the incident from MSNBC…

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

In 2008 Weezy was able to delay going on trial for felony weapon and drug charges because he was “recovering from several root-canal operations.” There were also rumors floating around the same time that Wayne was in rehab, but it turned out that he was laying low while his “rotten teeth” were being fixed. So it now appears that Lil Wayne’s teeth have been being worked on for two years now and his dentist in Miami has been conveniently “out of the country” for the past few weeks “doing charitable work.”

Maybe it’s time for Lil Wayne to consider seeing another dentist? Also, how much you wanna bet that the “he needs dental work” excuse wouldn’t work if Lil Wayne wasn’t a celebrity?

A pedicab driver chains his 2-year-old son to a pole outside the Beijing mall to prevent kidnappers from abducting the child, after their daughter was recently taken.

Photo: Quirky China News/Rex / Rex USA via NYDN

Not content to let Oprah run away with the crown of America’s modern P.T. Barnum, Tyra Banks found five, yes FIVE, dual-vagina-ed women to appear on her show. Talk about compelling television! Now, if only Tyra would share with the world where one goes to find women with two vaginas…I have, ugh, a friend who’d like to know. |Video via Warming Glow|

Over the past few days, word has leaked into the media that three of the bad boys of the Wall Street collapse/bailout, Goldman Sachs, AIG, and Bank of America, were set to lavish hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses on its executives. Naturally, a bit of outrage has ensued, and sensing that maybe the titans of finance might be seeking friends in high places to protect them, Republicans are sticking out their tin cup to say, “Hey brother, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours!”

Just about everyone with a basic knowledge of the financial industry knows that the main reasons for the recent Wall Street collapse can be directly tied to the repeal of certain regulatory devices, many of which were put in place after the Great Depression. President Obama is now seeking to re-institute many of these regulations that were rolled back during the Bush and Clinton administrations to prevent the same thing from happening again. Seems pretty common sensical, no? Well, not to any Republican politician looking to fatten his reelection campaign wallet!

Reports WSJ:

In discussions with Wall Street executives, Republicans are striving to make the case that they are banks’ best hope of preventing President Barack Obama and congressional Democrats from cracking down on Wall Street.

GOP strategists hope to benefit from the reaction to the White House’s populist rhetoric and proposals, which range from sharp critiques of bonuses to a tax on big Wall Street banks, caps on executive pay and curbs on business practices deemed too risky.

Seriously, are modern Republicans good for any-fucking-thing these days? Like, as much as this shouldn’t come as a surprise, it’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that these pricks are willing to fight for the continued de-regulation of the financial industry after everything that’s taken place in recent years, all for a few bucks in campaign donations. God does this country seems so fucked at times.