The New American Dream: Become a Russian Spy

07.02.10 Kari Ferrell

1020Everyone’s been talking about those crazy Russian spies, and how they’d really stick it to Anna Chapman, if they had the chance. I want to know what the big deal is…with all of it. Everyone jokes about there being Russian spies all over the place, and when their wish actually comes true, they act like it’s a crime.

Isn’t there some sort of statue that talks about accepting all kinds of people? The tired, the hungry, the individuals associated with espionage?

Enough about that, let’s talk more about Anna. She’s young, cute, and has a penchant for committing dastardly deeds; therefore, the country is infatuated with her. Yeah, sure, ten other people were involved, but we don’t care, because there aren’t photos on the internet of them looking saucy.

Perhaps it’s the idea that she’s innocent, and that the US is just fucking up, per usual. Or maybe people just don’t care, because nothing happened to them personally, and it’s an easy way to find fodder for your next ‘batin’ sesh. Or, maybe it’s the old rule of thumb, that everyone loves a bad girl. She’s dangerous (allegedly), and her father was part of the KGB (confirmed), and she doles out sexual favors like the Obama administration doles out disappointment (allegedly).

It’s safe to say that, even if she’s shipped back to the Mother Land and incarcerated for the rest of her natural life, bitch has got a million dollar book deal coming her way. This is the new American dream, now get out there and fuck some people over.

Author’s note: A special thanks to all of those who emailed Dov Charney yesterday. Tits will be in your inbox within the next 24-48 hours.